Letter 226

I have not yet received any letter from Murena's freedman. Publius Siser delivered the one I am answering. You mention a letter from Servius' father, and you tell me some people say Quintus has landed in Syria; neither is true. You want to know how those who have come here feel, or felt, toward me. I have found no one ill-disposed. But I am sure you can imagine how much that matters to me. The whole state of affairs is unbearably painful to me, and most of all that I have brought myself into such a position that the only things that can help me are precisely the things I have always wished would not happen. They say the elder Publius Lentulus is at Rhodes, the younger at Alexandria, and it is certain that Gaius Cassius has left Rhodes for Alexandria. Quintus has written me an apology in terms far more irritating than when he was abusing me most violently. He says he understands from your letter that you were annoyed with him for writing harshly about me to many people, and so he is sorry that he hurt your feelings - but he was right in what he did. Then he explains with the greatest coarseness why he did it. He would never have shown his hatred for me, either now or before, if he had not seen that everything was against me. How I wish I had come nearer to you, even by night journeys, as you suggested. Now I cannot imagine where or when I shall see you. As for my co-heirs in Fufidius' property, there was no reason for you to write to me; their demand is quite just, and whatever you did I would think right. As for buying back the estate at Frusino, you already know what I want. Though my affairs were then in a better position, and I did not expect to be in such desperate straits, my mind has not changed. How it is to be done, you will arrange. Please consider as best you can some way of obtaining ready money for current expenses. All the money I had, I handed over to Pompey when it seemed advisable. So I took money from your steward and borrowed from others, and now Quintus complains by letter that I did not give him a penny, though he never asked for it and I never set eyes on the money myself. Please see what can be managed and what advice you have for me on every point. You know all about it. Grief prevents me from writing more. If you think anything should be written to anyone in my name, please do so as usual; and whenever you have someone to whom you can give a letter for me, do not forget it. Farewell.

I have not received any letter from Murena's freedman as yet. It was P. Siser who delivered the one I am answering. You speak of a letter from Servius' father, and you tell me some say that Quintus has landed in Syria: neither is true. You want to be informed how those who have come here feel or felt towards me. I have not found any ill-disposed: but, how important that is to me, I am sure you can imagine. To me the whole state of affairs is insufferably painful; and most of all that I have got myself into such a case, that the only things that can be of any use to me are precisely what I have always wished not to happen. They say the elder P. Lentulus is at Rhodes, the younger at Alexandria, and it is certain that C. Cassius has left Rhodes for Alexandria. Quintus has written to apologize to me in terms much more irritating than when he was abusing me most violently. For he says that he understands from your letter that you were annoyed with him for writing harshly about me to many people, and so he is sorry that he hurt your feelings: but he was right in what he did. Then he explains with the greatest coarseness why he did it. But he would never have shown his hatred for me either now or before, if he had not seen that everything was against me. How I wish I had got nearer to you, even by night-journeys as you suggested. Now I cannot conceive where or when I shall see you. As to my co-heirs in Fufidius' property, there was no reason for you to write to me: for their demand is quite just, and anything you did I should think right. As to the repurchase of the estate at Frusino, you know already what I wish. Though my affairs were then in a better position, and I did not expect to be in such desperate straits, still my mind has not altered. How it is to be done, you will arrange. And please consider to the best of your ability some way of obtaining ready money for current expenses. All the money I had I handed over to Pompey at a time when it seemed advisable to do so. So then I took money from your steward and borrowed from others, and now Quintus complains by letter that I did not give him a penny, when he never asked for it and I never set eyes on the money myself. But please see what can be managed and what advice you have to give me on all points: you know all about it. Grief prevents me from writing more. If there is anything you think should be written to anyone in my name, please do so as usual; and as often as you have anyone to whom you can give a letter to me, don't forget it. Farewell.

[1] A Murenae liberto nihil adhuc acceperam litterarum. P. Siser reddiderat eas quibus rescribo. de Servi patris litteris quod scribis, item Quintum in Syriam venisse quod ais esse qui nuntient, ne id quidem verum est. quod certiorem te vis fieri quo quisque in me animo sit aut fuerit eorum qui huc venerunt, neminem alieno intellexi. sed quantum id mea intersit existimare te posse certo scio. mihi cum omnia sint intolerabilia ad dolorem, tum maxime quod in eam causam venisse me video ut sola utilia mihi esse videantur quae semper nolui. P. Lentulum patrem Rhodi esse aiunt, Alexandreae filium, Rhodoque Alexandream C. Cassium profectum esse constat. [2] Quintus mihi per litteras satis facit multo asperioribus verbis quam cum gravissime accusabat. ait enim se ex litteris tuis intellegere tibi non placere quod ad multos de me asperius scripserit, itaque se paenitere quod animum tuum offenderit; sed se iure fecisse. deinde perscribit spurcissime quas ob causas fecerit. sed neque hoc tempore nec antea patefecisset odium suum in me, nisi omnibus rebus me esse oppressum videret. atque utinam vel nocturnis, quem ad modum tu scripseras, itineribus propius te accessissem! nunc nec ubi nec quando te sim visurus possum suspicari. [3] de coheredibus Fufidianis nihil fuit quod ad me scriberes; nam et aequum postulant et quicquid egisses recte esse actum putarem. [4] de fundo Frusinati redimendo iam pridem intellexisti voluntatem meam. etsi tum meliore loco res erant nostrae neque tam mihi desperatum iri videbatur, tamen in eadem sum voluntate. id quem ad modum fiat tu videbis. et velim, quod poteris, consideres ut sit unde nobis suppeditentur sumptus necessarii. si quas habuimus facultates, eas Pompeio tum cum id videbamur sapienter facere detulimus. itaque tum et a tuo vilico sumpsimus et aliunde mutuati sumus cum Quintus queritur per litteras sibi nos nihil dedisse, qui neque ab illo rogati sumus neque ipsi eam pecuniam aspeximus. sed velim videas quid sit quod confici possit quidque mihi de omnibus des consili; et causam nosti. [5] plura ne scribam dolore impedior. si quid erit quod ad quos scribendum meo nomine putes, velim ut soles facias, quotiensque habebis quoi des ad me litteras nolim praeter mittas. vale.