Marcus Tullius Cicero→Titus Pomponius Atticus|c. 47 BC|Cicero|From Rome|To Rome/Athens|AI-assisted
I certainly acted incautiously, as you say, and more hastily than I should have; and I have no hope, since I am tied here by the special clause in the edict. If that clause had not been inserted by your own kind efforts, I might have gone to some lonely retreat. Now not even that is open to me. What good does it do me that I arrived before the tribunes entered office, when arriving at all does me no good? What have I now to hope from a man who was never friendly to me, when my ruin and humiliation have been secured even by law?
Balbus' letters to me grow cooler every day, and perhaps he is receiving dozens against me. My own fault is my ruin. Fortune has brought no evils on me; I have brought them all on my own head. When I saw what sort of war it would be, one side unprepared and weak, the other thoroughly prepared, I had made my plan - perhaps not a very brave one, but one for which there were special excuses in my case. I yielded to my relatives, or rather obeyed them. What the real feelings were of one of them, the one for whom you speak, you will know from the letters he sent to you and to others.
I would never have opened them had this not happened. A packet was brought to me. I opened it to see whether there was any letter for me. There was none, but there was one for Vatinius and another for Ligurius. I sent those on to them. They came to me at once boiling with indignation and crying shame on him, and they read me letters full of every kind of abuse against me. Then Ligurius burst out furiously that, to his certain knowledge, Caesar hated Quintus and had favored him and given him all that money out of regard for me. After this blow, I wanted to know what Quintus had said to the others, because I thought such a scandal would be disastrous to his own reputation if it got abroad. I found that they were all of the same sort, and I have sent them to you. If you think it will do him any good to have them delivered, have them delivered. It will not harm me. Though the seals are broken, I think Pomponia has his signet. When he adopted this bitter tone at the beginning of our voyage, I was so upset that afterward I was prostrated; and now he is said to be working against me rather than for himself.
So I am weighed down by such a heavy burden of grief that I can hardly bear up under it; indeed, I cannot bear up under it at all. Among all my miseries, one outweighs all the rest: that I shall leave that poor girl deprived of her patrimony and penniless. So I hope you will fulfill your promise and look after her. I have no one else to entrust her to, since I hear that her mother is threatened with the same fate as mine. If you do not find me here, take this as sufficient instruction about her, and soften her uncle toward her as far as you can.
I am writing this on my birthday. Would that I had been allowed to die on the day I was born, or that my mother had never had another child. Tears prevent me from writing more.
I have certainly acted incautiously, as you say, and more hastily than I should; and I have no hope seeing that I am tied here by the special clause in the edict. If that had not been inserted by your own kind efforts, I might have gone to some lonely retreat. Now not even that is open to me. How does it help me that I came before the tribunes entered on office, when my coming at all does not help? And what have I now to hope from a man who never was friendly with me, when my ruin and humiliation is secured even by law? Balbus' letters to me are becoming daily cooler, and it may be he receives dozens against me. My own fault is my ruin. Fortune has brought no ills upon me: I have brought them all on my own head. For when I saw what kind of war it was going to be, one side unprepared and weak and the other thoroughly well prepared, I had made my plan—not a very courageous plan perhaps, but one for which there were special excuses in my case. I gave way to my relations, or rather I obeyed them. What the real feelings of one of them were—the one for whom you speak—you will know from the letters he has sent to you and to others. I should never have opened them, had it not been for the following circumstance. A packet was brought to me. I undid it to see if there was any letter for me. There was none; but one for Vatinius and another for Ligurius. Those I had
sent to them. They came to me at once boiling with indignation and crying shame on him, and they read me letters full of all kinds of abuse of myself. Then Ligurius burst out with fury, "to his certain knowledge Caesar detested Quintus and had favoured him and given him all that money out of compliment to me." After this blow I wanted to know what he had said to the others: for I thought it would be disastrous to his own reputation if such a scandal got abroad. I found they were all of a piece, and have sent them to you. If you think it will do him any good to have them delivered, have them delivered. It won't do me any harm. Though the seals are broken, I think Pomponia has his signet. When, at the beginning of our voyage, he adopted this bitter tone, I was so upset that I was prostrated afterwards; and now he is said to be working against me rather than for himself.
So I am weighed down by such a heavy burden of griefs that I can hardly bear up under it; indeed, I cannot possibly bear up under it. And among all my miseries there is one that outweighs all the rest—that I shall leave that poor girl deprived of her patrimony and penniless. So I hope you will fulfil your promise and look after her. I have no one else to entrust her to, for I hear that her mother is threatened with the same fate as myself. If you do not find me here, take this as sufficient injunction as regards her, and soften her uncle towards her as far as you can.
This I am writing on my birthday. Would that I had been left to die on the day of my birth, or that my mother had never had another child. Tears prevent me from writing more.
[1] ego vero et incaute, ut scribis, et celerius quam oportuit feci nec in ulla sum spe quippe qui exceptionibus edictorum retinear. quae si non essent sedulitate effectae et benivolentie va , liceret mihi abire in solitudines aliquas. nunc ne id quidem licet. quid autem me iuvat quod ante initum tribunatum veni, si ipsum quod veni nihil iuvat? iam quid sperem ab eo qui mihi amicus numquam fuit, cum iam lege etiam sim confectus et oppressus? cotidie iam Balbi ad me litterae languidiores multaeque multorum ad illum fortasse contra me. meo vitio pereo; nihil mihi mali casus attulit, omnia culpa contracta sunt. ego enim cum genus belli viderem, imparata et infirma omnia contra paratissimos, statueram quid facerem ceperamque consilium non tam forte quam mihi praeter ceteros concedendum. [2] cessi meis vel potius parui. ex quibus unus qua mente fuerit, is quem tu mihi commendas, cognosces ex ipsius litteris quae ad te et ad alios misit. quas ego numquam aperuissem, nisi res acta sic esset. delatus est ad me fasciculus. solvi, si quid ad me esset litterarum. nihil erat, epistula Vatinio et ligurio altera. iussi ad eos deferri. illi ad me statim ardentes dolore venerunt scelus hominis clamantes; epistulas mihi legerunt plenas omnium in me probrorum. hic ligurius furere, 'se enim scire summo illum in odio fuisse Caesari. illum tamen non modo favisse sed etiam tantam illi pecuniam dedisse honoris mei causa. hoc ego dolore accepto volui scire quid scripsisset ad ceteros; ipsi enim illi putavi perniciosum fore, si eius hoc tantum scelus percrebruisset. cognovi eiusdem generis. ad te misi. quas si putabis illi ipsi utile esse reddi, reddes. nil me laedet. nam quod resignatae sunt, habet, opinor, eius signum Pomponia. hac ille acerbitate initio navigationis cum usus esset, tanto me dolore adfecit ut postea iacuerim, neque nunc tam pro se quam contra me laborare dicitur. [3] ita omnibus rebus urgeor; quas sustinere vix possum vel plane nullo modo possum. quibus in miseriis una est pro omnibus quod istam miseram patrimonio, fortuna omni spoliatam relinquam. qua re te, (ut) polliceris, videre plane velim. Alium enim cui illam commendem habeo neminem, quoniam matri quoque eadem intellexi esse parata quae mihi. sed si me non offendes, satis tamen habeto commendatam patruumque in ea quantum poteris mitigato. haec ad te die natali meo scripsi. quo utinam susceptus non essem aut ne quid ex eadem matre postea natum esset! plura scribere fletu prohibeor.
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I certainly acted incautiously, as you say, and more hastily than I should have; and I have no hope, since I am tied here by the special clause in the edict. If that clause had not been inserted by your own kind efforts, I might have gone to some lonely retreat. Now not even that is open to me. What good does it do me that I arrived before the tribunes entered office, when arriving at all does me no good? What have I now to hope from a man who was never friendly to me, when my ruin and humiliation have been secured even by law?
Balbus' letters to me grow cooler every day, and perhaps he is receiving dozens against me. My own fault is my ruin. Fortune has brought no evils on me; I have brought them all on my own head. When I saw what sort of war it would be, one side unprepared and weak, the other thoroughly prepared, I had made my plan - perhaps not a very brave one, but one for which there were special excuses in my case. I yielded to my relatives, or rather obeyed them. What the real feelings were of one of them, the one for whom you speak, you will know from the letters he sent to you and to others.
I would never have opened them had this not happened. A packet was brought to me. I opened it to see whether there was any letter for me. There was none, but there was one for Vatinius and another for Ligurius. I sent those on to them. They came to me at once boiling with indignation and crying shame on him, and they read me letters full of every kind of abuse against me. Then Ligurius burst out furiously that, to his certain knowledge, Caesar hated Quintus and had favored him and given him all that money out of regard for me. After this blow, I wanted to know what Quintus had said to the others, because I thought such a scandal would be disastrous to his own reputation if it got abroad. I found that they were all of the same sort, and I have sent them to you. If you think it will do him any good to have them delivered, have them delivered. It will not harm me. Though the seals are broken, I think Pomponia has his signet. When he adopted this bitter tone at the beginning of our voyage, I was so upset that afterward I was prostrated; and now he is said to be working against me rather than for himself.
So I am weighed down by such a heavy burden of grief that I can hardly bear up under it; indeed, I cannot bear up under it at all. Among all my miseries, one outweighs all the rest: that I shall leave that poor girl deprived of her patrimony and penniless. So I hope you will fulfill your promise and look after her. I have no one else to entrust her to, since I hear that her mother is threatened with the same fate as mine. If you do not find me here, take this as sufficient instruction about her, and soften her uncle toward her as far as you can.
I am writing this on my birthday. Would that I had been allowed to die on the day I was born, or that my mother had never had another child. Tears prevent me from writing more.
AI-assisted translation - This translation was produced with AI assistance and has not been peer-reviewed. See the 19th-century translation or original Latin/Greek below for scholarly use.
Latin / Greek Original
[1] ego vero et incaute, ut scribis, et celerius quam oportuit feci nec in ulla sum spe quippe qui exceptionibus edictorum retinear. quae si non essent sedulitate effectae et benivolentie va , liceret mihi abire in solitudines aliquas. nunc ne id quidem licet. quid autem me iuvat quod ante initum tribunatum veni, si ipsum quod veni nihil iuvat? iam quid sperem ab eo qui mihi amicus numquam fuit, cum iam lege etiam sim confectus et oppressus? cotidie iam Balbi ad me litterae languidiores multaeque multorum ad illum fortasse contra me. meo vitio pereo; nihil mihi mali casus attulit, omnia culpa contracta sunt. ego enim cum genus belli viderem, imparata et infirma omnia contra paratissimos, statueram quid facerem ceperamque consilium non tam forte quam mihi praeter ceteros concedendum. [2] cessi meis vel potius parui. ex quibus unus qua mente fuerit, is quem tu mihi commendas, cognosces ex ipsius litteris quae ad te et ad alios misit. quas ego numquam aperuissem, nisi res acta sic esset. delatus est ad me fasciculus. solvi, si quid ad me esset litterarum. nihil erat, epistula Vatinio et ligurio altera. iussi ad eos deferri. illi ad me statim ardentes dolore venerunt scelus hominis clamantes; epistulas mihi legerunt plenas omnium in me probrorum. hic ligurius furere, 'se enim scire summo illum in odio fuisse Caesari. illum tamen non modo favisse sed etiam tantam illi pecuniam dedisse honoris mei causa. hoc ego dolore accepto volui scire quid scripsisset ad ceteros; ipsi enim illi putavi perniciosum fore, si eius hoc tantum scelus percrebruisset. cognovi eiusdem generis. ad te misi. quas si putabis illi ipsi utile esse reddi, reddes. nil me laedet. nam quod resignatae sunt, habet, opinor, eius signum Pomponia. hac ille acerbitate initio navigationis cum usus esset, tanto me dolore adfecit ut postea iacuerim, neque nunc tam pro se quam contra me laborare dicitur. [3] ita omnibus rebus urgeor; quas sustinere vix possum vel plane nullo modo possum. quibus in miseriis una est pro omnibus quod istam miseram patrimonio, fortuna omni spoliatam relinquam. qua re te, (ut) polliceris, videre plane velim. Alium enim cui illam commendem habeo neminem, quoniam matri quoque eadem intellexi esse parata quae mihi. sed si me non offendes, satis tamen habeto commendatam patruumque in ea quantum poteris mitigato. haec ad te die natali meo scripsi. quo utinam susceptus non essem aut ne quid ex eadem matre postea natum esset! plura scribere fletu prohibeor.