Letter 25

As for these two friends of ours, we must proceed in different ways. One man's faults need correction; the other's need to be crushed. I will use every freedom. If I am unwilling to hurt his feelings, I do not love him. "What," you say, "do you expect to keep a forty-year-old ward under your supervision? Consider his age: hardened now and past handling. A person like that cannot be reshaped; only young minds are molded." I do not know whether I shall make progress, but I would rather lack success than lack loyalty. Do not despair of curing even chronic illness, provided that you resist excess and force the sick to do and endure many things against their will. As for our other friend, I am not very confident either, except that he still has enough sense of shame to blush at his faults. That modesty should be fostered. As long as it remains in his soul, there is some room for hope. With your veteran, I think we should deal more carefully, so that he does not despair of himself. There is no better time to approach him than now, when he has a pause and seems like someone who has corrected his faults. Others have been deceived by this interval of virtue; he does not deceive me. I am sure these faults will return with interest. At the moment, I am certain, they are in suspension, not absent. I will give some time to the matter and try to see whether anything can be done. But you yourself, as you are already doing, should show me that you are stout-hearted. Lighten your baggage for the march. None of our possessions is essential. Let us return to the law of nature; then riches are laid up for us. The things we truly need are either free to everyone or cheap. Nature asks only bread and water. No one is poor by that standard. Once a person has confined his desires within those limits, he can challenge the happiness of Jupiter himself, as Epicurus says. I must include in this letter one or two more of his sayings: "Do everything as though Epicurus were watching you." There is no real doubt that it is good to appoint a guardian over yourself, someone you can look up to, someone you can regard as a witness of your thoughts. It is far nobler to live as you would live under the eyes of some good person always beside you. But I am content, for the present, if you do whatever you do as though anyone at all were looking on, because solitude urges us toward every kind of evil. When you have progressed so far that you also have respect for yourself, you may dismiss your attendant. Until then, set the authority of some person as a guard over yourself: choose Cato, Scipio, Laelius, or anyone in whose presence even abandoned people would check their bad impulses. Meanwhile, you are making yourself into the sort of person in whose company you would not dare to sin. Once this aim has been achieved and you begin to hold yourself in some esteem, I will gradually allow you to do what Epicurus advises in another passage: "The time when you should most of all withdraw into yourself is when you are forced to be in a crowd." You ought to make yourself different from the multitude. So while it is not yet safe for you to withdraw into solitude, seek out certain individuals. Everyone is better off in the company of somebody or other, no matter who, than alone in his own company. "The time when you should most of all withdraw into yourself is when you are forced to be in a crowd" - yes, provided that you are a good, calm, and self-controlled person. Otherwise, you would be better off withdrawing into a crowd in order to get away from yourself. Alone, you are too close to a bad man. Farewell.

With regard to these two friends of ours, we must proceed along different lines; the faults of the one are to be corrected, the other’s are to be crushed out. I shall take every liberty; for I do not love this one if I am unwilling to hurt his feelings. “What,” you say, “do you expect to keep a forty-year-old ward under your tutelage? Consider his age, how hardened it now is, and past handling! Such a man cannot be re-shaped; only young minds are moulded.” I do not know whether I shall make progress; but I should prefer to lack success rather than to lack faith. You need not despair of curing sick men even when the disease is chronic, if only you hold out against excess and force them to do and submit to many things against their will. As regards our other friend I am not sufficiently confident, either, except for the fact that he still has sense of shame enough to blush for his sins. This modesty should be fostered; so long as it endures in his soul, there is some room for hope. But as for this veteran of yours, I think we should deal more carefully with him, that he may not become desperate about himself. There is no better time to approach him than now, when he has an interval of rest and seems like one who has corrected his faults. Others have been cheated by this interval of virtue on his part, but he does not cheat me. I feel sure that these faults will return, as it were, with compound interest, for just now, I am certain, they are in abeyance but not absent. I shall devote some time to the matter, and try to see whether or not something can be done. But do you yourself, as indeed you are doing, show me that you are stout-hearted; lighten your baggage for the march. None of our possessions is essential. Let us return to the law of nature; for then riches are laid up for us. The things which we actually need are free for all, or else cheap; nature craves only bread and water. No one is poor according to this standard; when a man has limited his desires within these bounds, he can challenge the happiness of Jove himself, as Epicurus says. I must insert in this letter one or two more of his sayings: “Do everything as if Epicurus were watching you.” There is no real doubt that it is good for one to have appointed a guardian over oneself, and to have someone whom you may look up to, someone whom you may regard as a witness of your thoughts. It is, indeed, nobler by far to live as you would live under the eyes of some good man, always at your side; but nevertheless I am content if you only act, in whatever you do, as you would act if anyone at all were looking on; because solitude prompts us to all kinds of evil. And when you have progressed so far that you have also respect for yourself, you may send away your attendant; but until then, set as a guard over yourself the authority of some man, whether your choice be the great Cato or Scipio, or Laelius,—or any man in whose presence even abandoned wretches would check their bad impulses. Meantime, you are engaged in making of yourself the sort of person in whose company you would not dare to sin. When this aim has been accomplished and you begin to hold yourself in some esteem, I shall gradually allow you to do what Epicurus, in another passage, suggests: “The time when you should most of all withdraw into yourself is when you are forced to be in a crowd.” You ought to make yourself of a different stamp from the multitude. Therefore, while it is not yet safe to withdraw into solitude, seek out certain individuals; for everyone is better off in the company of somebody or other,—no matter who,—than in his own company alone. “The time when you should most of all withdraw into yourself is when you are forced to be in a crowd.” Yes, provided that you are a good, tranquil, and self-restrained man; otherwise, you had better withdraw into a crowd in order to get away from your self. Alone, you are too close to a rascal. Farewell.

[1] Quod ad duos amicos nostros pertinet, diversa via eundum est; alterius enim vitia emendanda, alterius frangenda sunt. Utar libertate tota: non amo illum nisi offendo. 'Quid ergo?' inquis 'quadragenarium pupillum cogitas sub tutela tua continere? Respice aetatem eius iam duram et intractabilem: non potest reformari; tenera finguntur.' [2] An profecturus sim nescio: malo successum mihi quam fidem deesse. Nec desperaveris etiam diutinos aegros posse sanari, si contra intemperantiam steteris, si multa invitos et facere coegeris et pati. Ne de altero quidem satis fiduciae habeo, excepto eo quod adhuc peccare erubescit; nutriendus est hic pudor, qui quamdiu in animo eius duraverit, aliquis erit bonae spei locus. Cum hoc veterano parcius agendum puto, ne in desperationem sui veniat; [3] nec ullum tempus aggrediendi fuit melius quam hoc, dum interquiescit, dum emendato similis est. Aliis haec intermissio eius imposuit, mihi verba non dat: exspecto cum magno fenore vitia reditura, quae nunc scio cessare, non deesse. Impendam huic rei dies et utrum possit aliquid agi an non possit experiar. [4] Tu nobis te, ut facis, fortem praesta et sarcinas contrahe; nihil ex his quae habemus necessarium est. Ad legem naturae revertamur; divitiae paratae sunt. Aut gratuitum est quo egemus, aut vile: panem et aquam natura desiderat. Nemo ad haec pauper est, intra quae quisquis desiderium suum clusit cum ipso Iove de felicitate contendat, ut ait Epicurus, cuius aliquam vocem huic epistulae involvam. [5] 'Sic fac' inquit 'omnia tamquam spectet Epicurus.' Prodest sine dubio custodem sibi imposuisse et habere quem respicias, quem interesse cogitationibus tuis iudices. Hoc quidem longe magnificentius est, sic vivere tamquam sub alicuius boni viri ac semper praesentis oculis, sed ego etiam hoc contentus sum, ut sic facias quaecumque facies tamquam spectet aliquis: omnia nobis mala solitudo persuadet. [6] Cum iam profeceris tantum ut sit tibi etiam tui reverentia, licebit dimittas paedagogum: interim aliquorum te auctoritate custodi - aut Cato ille sit aut Scipio aut Laelius aut alius cuius interventu perditi quoque homines vitia supprimerent, dum te efficis eum cum quo peccare non audeas. Cum hoc effeceris et aliqua coeperit apud te tui esse dignatio, incipiam tibi permittere quod idem suadet Epicurus: 'tunc praecipue in te ipse secede cum esse cogeris in turba'. [7] Dissimilem te fieri multis oportet, dum tibi tutum [non] sit ad te recedere. Circumspice singulos: nemo est cui non satius sit cum quolibet esse quam secum. 'Tunc praecipue in te ipse secede cum esse cogeris in turba' - si bonus vir <es>, si quietus, si temperans. Alioquin in turbam tibi a te recedendum est: istic malo viro propius es. Vale.