Letter 7.33

Your missing my practice declamations is no loss to you. As for your envying Hirtius, if you did not love him, there would be no reason for envy, unless perhaps you envied him his eloquence rather than the fact that he was my pupil. For I, my sweetest Volumnius, am plainly either nothing or displeasing even to myself, now that those regular companions, in whose applause, led by yours, I used to flourish, are lost; so that even when I produce something worthy of my name, I groan that these weapons are "wielded not on an armed but on a feathered body," as Philoctetes says in Accius, "with glory cast aside." But still everything will be more cheerful for me if you come -- although you will come, as you yourself realize, into what is virtually a confluence of the greatest occupations. If I can manage these as I wish, I shall truly bid a hearty farewell to the forum and the senate house and live much with you and with our common admirers. For both your Cassius and our Dolabella -- or rather both of them ours -- are engaged in the same pursuits and make use of my most patient ears. I need here your refined and polished judgment and those deeper studies of mine, which often make me more cautious in speaking. For I have resolved, if only Caesar will either permit or wish it, to lay aside at last that role in which I often won their approval, and to bury myself entirely in literature and to enjoy the most honorable leisure with you and with other devotees of those studies. I would have wished you had not been afraid that I might read your letter to too many people, if you had perhaps sent me, as you write, a longer one. And I would have you consider hereafter that the longer your letters are, the more welcome they will be to me.

CDLXXII (Fam. VII, 33) TO P. VOLUMNIUS EUTRAPELUS ROME (JULY) You don't lose much by not being present at my oratorical lectures. You say you would have been envious of Hirtius , if you had not loved him: you had no reason for being envious; unless it was of his own eloquence by any chance that you were envious rather than of his being my pupil. The fact is, my dearest Volumnius , I am either a complete failure, or feel myself to be so, now that those members of my set, by whose support (joined with your applause) I once flourished, are lost: so that if I ever did produce anything worthy of my reputation, let us sigh that, as Philoctetes says in Accius , “These arrows now are fleshed On winged not armed forms — all glory lost.” But, after all, things will be more cheerful with me all round if you come: though you will come, as you understand without my telling you, to what I may call an immense bombardment of business. If I can once deal with this as I wish, I will really say a long good-bye to both forum and senate-house , and devote a great deal of time to you and our common friends, I mean your Cassius and our Dolabella — or rather I should call them both ours — who are fascinated with the same studies and find me a very indulgent listener. To carry this on we need your refined and polished judgment, and that deeper tinge of literature by which you often make me feel somewhat diffident of myself while speaking. For I have quite made up my mind, if only Caesar will either allow or order it, to lay aside that role in which I have often won even his approval, and to throw myself entirely into the obscurity of literature, and in company of other devotees of it to enjoy the most honourable kind of leisure. For you, I could have wished that you had not felt afraid of my being much bored with reading your letter, if' as you say, you chance to send me a somewhat long one; and I should like you henceforth to make up your mind that the longer a letter from you is, the better I shall like it.

XXXIII. Scr. Romae (post VII. Kal. Sext.) a.u.c. 708. [M.] CICERO S. D. VOLUMNIO. Quod declamationibus nostris cares, damni nihil facis; quod Hirtio invideres, nisi eum amares, non erat causa invidendi, nisi forte ipsius eloquentiae magis quam, quod me audiret, invideres; nos enim plane, mi suavissime Volumni, aut nihil sumus aut nobis quidem ipsis displicemus gregalibus illis, quibus te plaudente vigebamus, amissis, ut etiam, si quando aliquid dignum nostro nomine emisimus, ingemescamus, quod haec "pinnigero, non armigero in corpore tela exerceantur," ut ait Philoctetes apud Attium, "abiecta gloria." Sed tamen omnia mihi erunt, si tu veneris, hilariora; quamquam venies, ut ipse intelligis, in maximarum quasi concursum occupationum, quas si, ut volumus, exceperimus, ego vero multam salutem et foro dicam et curiae vivamque tecum multum et cum communibus nostris amatoribus; nam et Cassius tuus et Dolabella noster—vel potius uterque noster—studiis iisdem tenentur et meis aequissimis utuntur auribus. Opus est huc limatulo et polito tuo iudicio et illis interioribus litteris [meis], quibus saepe verecundiorem me in loquendo facis; mihi enim iudicatum est, si modo hoc Caesar aut patietur aut volet, deponere illam iam personam, in qua me saepe illi ipsi probavi, ac me totum in litteras abdere tecumque et cum ceteris earum studiosis honestissimo otio perfrui. Tu vellem ne veritus esses, ne pluribus legerem tuas litteras, si mihi, quemadmodum scribis, longiores forte misisses, ac velim posthac sic statuas, tuas mihi litteras longissimas quasque gratissimas fore. Cicero