Marcus Tullius Cicero→Titus Pomponius Atticus|c. 58 BC|Cicero|From Rome|To Rome/Athens|AI-assisted
I came to Brundisium on the fourteenth day before the Kalends of May. On that day your slaves delivered to me a letter from you, and other slaves, two days after that day, brought another letter. As for your asking and urging me to stay with you in Epirus, your wish is very welcome to me and by no means unexpected. It would indeed be a plan I should wish for, if it were permitted to spend the whole time there; for I hate crowds, I shun people, I can scarcely bear to look upon the light. That solitude of yours would not be bitter to me, especially in so familiar a place; but as a place to turn aside to for the sake of my journey, it is, first, out of the way, then a four days' journey from Autronius and the rest, and then without you. For a fortified stronghold would be of use to me if I were settling there, but to one passing through it is not necessary. But if I dared, I would make for Athens. It would indeed have fallen out just as I should have wished. As it is, both our enemies are there, and we do not have you, and we fear that they may interpret that town too as not being far enough from Italy; nor do you write by what day we are to expect you. [2] As for your calling me back to life, you accomplish one thing, that I keep my hands from myself; the other you cannot accomplish, that I should not repent of our resolution and of life. For what is there that should hold me back, especially if that hope does not exist which accompanied us as we set out? I will not go so far as to enumerate all the miseries into which I have fallen through the utmost injustice and wickedness, not so much of my enemies as of those who envied me, lest I both stir up my own grief and summon you into the same sorrow. This I affirm: that no one was ever afflicted with so great a calamity, that to no one ought death more to have been wished for. The most honorable occasion for meeting it has been let slip; the remaining occasions are not so much for remedy as for an end of the pain. [3] As for the commonwealth, I see that you are gathering together all the things that you think can bring me some hope of a change of circumstances. Although these are slight, nevertheless, since it pleases you, let us wait. Do you none the less, if you are in haste, follow after us; for we shall either come into Epirus or go slowly through Candavia. But it was not our inconstancy that brought on this hesitation about Epirus, but the fact that we did not know about my brother, where we should see him; and I for my part do not know either in what way I am to see him or how I am to part with him. That is the greatest and most wretched of all my miseries. I would write to you both more often and at greater length, were it not that my grief has taken from me the faculty for all the parts of my mind, but most of all for this kind of thing. I long to see you. Take care that you keep well. Dispatched on the day before the Kalends of May at Brundisium.
I arrived at Brundisium on April 17, and on the same day your men delivered a letter from you. The next day but one some others brought me another letter. I am very grateful for your kind invitation to stay at your place in Epirus, though I expected it. It is a plan, which would have just suited me, if I could have stayed there all the time. 1 hate a crowd, I shun my fellow-men, I can hardly bear to look upon the light: so the solitude there, especially as I am so at home there, would have been far from unpleasant. But for stopping on the route it is too far out of the way: moreover I should be only four days’ march from Autronius and the rest, moreover you would not be there yourself. Yes, a fortified place would be useful to me if I were settling there, but it is unnecessary, when I am merely passing. If I dared, I should make for Athens; and things were turning out right for it: but now my enemies are there, you have not joined me, and I am afraid that town too may not be counted far enough away from Italy. Nor have you let me know when I may expect you.
Your pleas to me not to think of suicide have one result that I refrain from laying violent hands on myself; but you cannot make me cease to regret our decision and my existence. What is there for me to live for, especially if I have lost even that hope I had when I set out? I will forbear to mention all the miseries into which I have fallen through the villainous machinations not so much of my enemies, as of
those who envy me, for fear of arousing my grief again, and provoking you to share it by sympathy. But this I will say, that no one has ever suffered such a misfortune, and no one ever had more right to wish for death. But I have missed the time when I could have died with honour. At any other time death will only end my pain, not heal it.
I notice you collect everything which you think can raise any hopes in me of a change in affairs. That “everything” is very little: still, since you so decide, I will await the issue. Though you have not started, you will catch me yet, if you hurry. I shall either go to Epirus, or proceed slowly through Candavia. My hesitation about Epirus does not arise from my changefulness, but from doubts as to where I shall see my brother. I don’t know where I shall see him, nor how I shall tear myself from him. That is the chief and most pitiful of all my miseries. I would write to you oftener and fuller, if grief had not robbed me of all my wits and especially of that particular faculty. I long to see you. Take care of yourself.
At Brundisium, April 29.
Brundisium veni a. d xiiii Kal. Maias. eo die pueri tui mihi a te litteras reddiderunt, et alii pueri post diem tertium eius diei alias litteras attulerunt. quod me rogas et hortaris ut apud te in Epiro sim, voluntas tua mihi valde grata est et minime nova. esset consilium mihi quidem optatum, si liceret ibi omne tempus consumere; odi enim celebritatem, fugio homines, lucem aspicere vix possum, esset mihi ista solitudo, praesertim tam familiari in loco, non amara; sed itineris causa ut deverterer, primum est devium, deinde ab Autronio et ceteris quadridui, deinde sine te. nam castellum munitum habitanti mihi prodesset, transeunti non est necessarium. quod si auderem, Athenas peterem. sane ita cadebat ut vellem. nunc et nostri hostes ibi sunt et te non habemus et veremur ne interpretentur illud quoque oppidum ab Italia non satis abesse nec scribis quam ad diem te exspectemus. [2] quod me ad vitam vocas, unum efficis ut a me manus abstineam, alterum non potes ut me non nostri consili vitaeque paeniteat. quid enim est quod me retineat, praesertim si spes ea non est quae nos proficiscentis prosequebatur? non faciam ut enumerem miserias omnis in quas incidi per summam iniuriam et scelus non tam inimicorum meorum quam invidorum, ne et meum maerorem exagitem et te in eundem luctum vocem; hoc adfirmo, neminem umquam tanta calamitate esse adfectum, nemini mortem magis optandam fuisse. quoius oppetendae tempus honestissimum praetermissum est; reliqua tempora sunt non tam ad medicinam quam ad finem doloris. [3] de re publica video te conligere omnia quae putes aliquam spem mihi posse adferre mutandarum rerum. quae quamquam exigua sunt, tamen, quoniam placet, exspectemus. tu nihilo minus si properans nos consequere; nam aut accedemus in Epirum aut tarde per Candaviam ibimus. dubitationem autem de Epiro non inconstantia nostra adferebat sed quod de fratre ubi eum visuri essemus nesciebamus; quem quidem ego nec (quo) modo visurus nec ut dimissurus sim scio. id est maximum et miserrimum mearum omnium miseriarum. ego et saepius ad te et plura scriberem, nisi mihi dolor meus cum omnis partis mentis tum maxime huius generis facultatem ademisset. videre te cupio. cura ut valeas. data pr. Kal. Mat Brundisi.
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I came to Brundisium on the fourteenth day before the Kalends of May. On that day your slaves delivered to me a letter from you, and other slaves, two days after that day, brought another letter. As for your asking and urging me to stay with you in Epirus, your wish is very welcome to me and by no means unexpected. It would indeed be a plan I should wish for, if it were permitted to spend the whole time there; for I hate crowds, I shun people, I can scarcely bear to look upon the light. That solitude of yours would not be bitter to me, especially in so familiar a place; but as a place to turn aside to for the sake of my journey, it is, first, out of the way, then a four days' journey from Autronius and the rest, and then without you. For a fortified stronghold would be of use to me if I were settling there, but to one passing through it is not necessary. But if I dared, I would make for Athens. It would indeed have fallen out just as I should have wished. As it is, both our enemies are there, and we do not have you, and we fear that they may interpret that town too as not being far enough from Italy; nor do you write by what day we are to expect you. [2] As for your calling me back to life, you accomplish one thing, that I keep my hands from myself; the other you cannot accomplish, that I should not repent of our resolution and of life. For what is there that should hold me back, especially if that hope does not exist which accompanied us as we set out? I will not go so far as to enumerate all the miseries into which I have fallen through the utmost injustice and wickedness, not so much of my enemies as of those who envied me, lest I both stir up my own grief and summon you into the same sorrow. This I affirm: that no one was ever afflicted with so great a calamity, that to no one ought death more to have been wished for. The most honorable occasion for meeting it has been let slip; the remaining occasions are not so much for remedy as for an end of the pain. [3] As for the commonwealth, I see that you are gathering together all the things that you think can bring me some hope of a change of circumstances. Although these are slight, nevertheless, since it pleases you, let us wait. Do you none the less, if you are in haste, follow after us; for we shall either come into Epirus or go slowly through Candavia. But it was not our inconstancy that brought on this hesitation about Epirus, but the fact that we did not know about my brother, where we should see him; and I for my part do not know either in what way I am to see him or how I am to part with him. That is the greatest and most wretched of all my miseries. I would write to you both more often and at greater length, were it not that my grief has taken from me the faculty for all the parts of my mind, but most of all for this kind of thing. I long to see you. Take care that you keep well. Dispatched on the day before the Kalends of May at Brundisium.
AI-assisted translation - This translation was produced with AI assistance and has not been peer-reviewed. See the 19th-century translation or original Latin/Greek below for scholarly use.
Latin / Greek Original
Brundisium veni a. d xiiii Kal. Maias. eo die pueri tui mihi a te litteras reddiderunt, et alii pueri post diem tertium eius diei alias litteras attulerunt. quod me rogas et hortaris ut apud te in Epiro sim, voluntas tua mihi valde grata est et minime nova. esset consilium mihi quidem optatum, si liceret ibi omne tempus consumere; odi enim celebritatem, fugio homines, lucem aspicere vix possum, esset mihi ista solitudo, praesertim tam familiari in loco, non amara; sed itineris causa ut deverterer, primum est devium, deinde ab Autronio et ceteris quadridui, deinde sine te. nam castellum munitum habitanti mihi prodesset, transeunti non est necessarium. quod si auderem, Athenas peterem. sane ita cadebat ut vellem. nunc et nostri hostes ibi sunt et te non habemus et veremur ne interpretentur illud quoque oppidum ab Italia non satis abesse nec scribis quam ad diem te exspectemus. [2] quod me ad vitam vocas, unum efficis ut a me manus abstineam, alterum non potes ut me non nostri consili vitaeque paeniteat. quid enim est quod me retineat, praesertim si spes ea non est quae nos proficiscentis prosequebatur? non faciam ut enumerem miserias omnis in quas incidi per summam iniuriam et scelus non tam inimicorum meorum quam invidorum, ne et meum maerorem exagitem et te in eundem luctum vocem; hoc adfirmo, neminem umquam tanta calamitate esse adfectum, nemini mortem magis optandam fuisse. quoius oppetendae tempus honestissimum praetermissum est; reliqua tempora sunt non tam ad medicinam quam ad finem doloris. [3] de re publica video te conligere omnia quae putes aliquam spem mihi posse adferre mutandarum rerum. quae quamquam exigua sunt, tamen, quoniam placet, exspectemus. tu nihilo minus si properans nos consequere; nam aut accedemus in Epirum aut tarde per Candaviam ibimus. dubitationem autem de Epiro non inconstantia nostra adferebat sed quod de fratre ubi eum visuri essemus nesciebamus; quem quidem ego nec (quo) modo visurus nec ut dimissurus sim scio. id est maximum et miserrimum mearum omnium miseriarum. ego et saepius ad te et plura scriberem, nisi mihi dolor meus cum omnis partis mentis tum maxime huius generis facultatem ademisset. videre te cupio. cura ut valeas. data pr. Kal. Mat Brundisi.