Letter 133

So far I had received one letter from you, dated January 19; it said that you had sent another earlier, which I did not receive. Please write as often as possible, not only if you know or hear anything, but even if you suspect anything, and especially what you think I should or should not do. You ask me to make sure you know what Pompey is doing. I do not think even Pompey knows; certainly none of us does. I saw the consul Lentulus at Formiae on January 21, and I saw Libo. Everything is full of fear and confusion. Pompey is on his way to Larinum; there are cohorts there, and at Luceria and Teanum, and elsewhere in Apulia. No one knows whether he intends to make a stand somewhere or cross the sea. If he remains, I fear he will not be able to have a reliable army. If he leaves, I do not know where he will go, by what route, or what we should do. As for the man whose Phalaris-like cruelty you fear, I think he will do everything most foully. He will not be slowed by the adjournment of business, the departure of the Senate and magistrates, or the closed treasury. But, as you write, we will know these things soon. Meanwhile forgive me for writing to you so much and so often. It calms me, and I want to draw letters out of you, especially advice about what I should do and how I should conduct myself. Should I plunge completely into the cause? I am not frightened by the danger, but I am torn apart by grief. To think that everything has been managed with so little planning, and so much against my own advice! Or should I delay, shift my ground, and give myself over to those who hold power? "I am ashamed before the Trojans." I am called back not only by my duty as a citizen but also by my duty as a friend, though I am often broken by pity for the boys. So write something to a man so troubled, though the same worries press on you too. Above all, tell me what you think I should do if Pompey leaves Italy. Manius Lepidus, with whom I have been, sets that as the limit; Lucius Torquatus does the same. Many things hinder me, including my lictors. I have never seen anything less capable of being untangled. So I am not yet asking you for certainty, but for how it looks to you. In the end, I want to know your own uncertainty. It is almost settled that Labienus has left Caesar. If it had happened in such a way that, when he came to Rome, he had found the magistrates and Senate there, it would have been of great use to our cause. He would have appeared to condemn a friend's crime for the republic's sake. Even now it appears so, but it helps less; there is no one for it to help. I think he is sorry, unless perhaps the report of his departure is itself false. We, at least, have been taking it as certain. And please, although you write that you are keeping within your own domestic boundaries, describe the shape of the city for me. Is there any longing for Pompey? Is there any resentment against Caesar? What do you think about Terentia and Tullia - should they be in Rome, with me, or in some safe place? On these points and anything else, please write to me - or rather, keep writing.

So far I have received one letter from you dated the 19th. In it you state that you sent me another; but it has not reached me. I entreat you, write to me as often as possible, not only what you shall know or hear, but even anything you may suspect; and especially give me your opinion as to what I ought or ought not to do. As to your request for information on Pompey's policy, I don't think he knows himself; certainly none of us know. I saw Lentulus the consul at Formiae on the 21st. I saw Libo. Everywhere there is panic and confusion. Pompey is on the road to Larinum; for there are cohorts there and also at Luceria and Teanum and in the rest of Apulia. No one knows whether he will make a stand anywhere or cross the sea. If he remains in Italy, I fear it is impossible for him to have a reliable army. If he leaves Italy, where he will go or stay, and what we are to do I don't know. For I imagine that Caesar, whom you fear may be a Phalaris, will stick at no abominations. He will not be deterred by adjournment of public business, the departure of members and magistrates and the closure of the treasury. But, as you say, we shall know soon. Meanwhile forgive me for writing so much and so often; it soothes me, and I wish to extract letters from you, and especially advice as to where to go and what to do. Shall I give myself up heart and soul to the good cause? I am not terrified by the danger, but tortured by the anguish. To think that everything has been done with such a lack of plan, or so contrary to my plan! Or shall I hesitate and play the turncoat, and join the party that holds the field? "I fear the Trojans," and I am held back not only by my duty as a citizen, but by my duty as a friend; though I am often shaken by pity for the boys. So write a line to me in my distress, although you have the same worries; and especially as to what you think I should do, if Pompey leaves Italy. I have met M'. Lepidus and he draws the line there; so does L. Torquatus. There are many obstacles before me, including my lictors. I have never seen such an intricate tangle. So I do not look to you for positive advice: but only for your opinion. In fact I want to know how the dilemma presents itself to you. It is practically certain that Labienus has left Caesar. If it could have been arranged that he could meet magistrates and Senate on his arrival at Rome, he would have been of great service to our cause. Loyalty it would have appeared had made him regard his friend a traitor: it appears so as it is, but it is of less use. For there is no cause to serve, and I imagine that he is sorry at leaving Caesar, unless perhaps the report is false. Myself I think it true. And please give me a sketch of city affairs, though according to your account you keep to your house. Is Pompey missed? Does Caesar seem disliked? What do you think about Terentia and Tullia? Should they remain in Rome, or join me, or seek some refuge? On these and any other topics pray write to me, I mean write often.

Unam adhuc a te epistulam acceperam datam xii Kal. in qua significabatur aliam te ante dedisse quam non acceperam. sed quaeso ut scribas quam saepissime non modo si quid scies aut audieris sed etiam si quid suspicabere, maximeque quid nobis faciendum aut non faciendum putes. [2] nam quod rogas curem ut scias quid Pompeius agat, ne ipsum quidem scire puto; nostrum quidem nemo. vidi Lentulum consulem Formiis x Kal., vidi Libonem; plena timoris et erroris omnia. ille iter Larinum; ibi enim cohortes et Luceriae et Teani reliquaque in Apulia. Inde utrum consistere uspiam velit an mare transire nescitur. si manet, vereor ne exercitum firmum habere non possit; sin discedit, quo aut qua, aut quid nobis agendum sit nescio. nam istum quidem quoius phalarismon times omnia taeterrime facturum puto. nec eum rerum prolatio nec senatus magistratuumque discessus nec aerarium clausum tardabit. [3] sed haec, ut scribis, cito sciemus. interim velim mihi ignoscas quod ad te scribo tam multa totiens. acquiesco enim et tuas volo elicere litteras maximeque consilium quid agam aut quo me pacto geram. demittamne me penitus in causam? non deterreor periculo sed dirumpor dolore. tamne nullo consilio aut tam contra meum consilium gesta esse omnia! an cuncter et tergiverser et iis me dem qui tenent, qui potiuntur? 'Aideomai Troas' nec solum civis sed etiam amici officio revocor; etsi frangor saepe misericordia puerorum. [4] Ut igitur ita perturbato, etsi te eadem sollicitant, scribe aliquid et maxime, si Pompeius Italia cedit, quid nobis agendum putes. M'. quidem Lepidus (nam fuimus una) eum finem statuit, L. Torquatus eundem. me cum multa tum etiam lictores impediunt. nihil vidi umquam quod minus explicari posset. itaque a te nihildum certi exquiro sed quid videatur. denique ipsam aporian tuam cupio cognoscere. Labienum ab illo discessisse prope modum constat [5] si ita factum esset ut ille Romam veniens magistratus et senatum Romae offenderet, magno usui causae nostrae fuisset. damnasse enim sceleris hominem amicum rei publicae causa videretur, quod nunc quoque videtur sed minus prodest. non enim habet cui prosit eumque arbitror paenitere, nisi forte id ipsum est falsum discessisse illum. nos quidem pro certo habebamus. . [6] et velim, quamquam, ut scribis, domesticis te finibus tenes, formam mihi urbis exponas, ecquod Pompei desiderium, ecquae Caesaris invidia appareat, etiam quid censeas de Terentia et Tullia, Romae eas esse an mecum an aliquo tuto loco. haec et si quid aliud ad me scribas velim vel potius scriptites.