Letter 122

I did, in fact, give L. Saufeius a letter, and I gave it to you alone, because, although I had not enough time for writing, I nevertheless did not want a man so intimate with you to come to you without a note from me. But, given the pace at which philosophers stroll, I supposed the present letter would be delivered to you sooner. If, however, you have already received that other one, you know that I came to Athens on the day before the Ides of October [October 14], that as I stepped off the ship at the Piraeus I received your letter from our friend Acastus, that I was thrown into distress because you had come to Rome with a fever, but began nonetheless to take heart because Acastus reported what I wished to hear about the recovery of your health; that I shuddered, however, at what your letter brought concerning Caesar's legions, and that I urged you to see to it that the ambition of a certain man you know [Philotimus] should do us no harm; and, on the point about which I had written to you long ago (Turranius, however, had told you otherwise at Brundisium, as I learned from the letter I received from Xeno, that excellent man), I set out briefly why I had not put my brother in charge of the province. These are more or less the contents of that letter. [2] Now hear the rest. For heaven's sake! Bring all the affection with which you have embraced me, and all that good sense of yours which, I swear, I judge to be unique in every department, to bear upon this one task: to think hard about my whole situation. For I seem to see before me a struggle so great—unless the same god who freed us from the Parthian war better than we dared to hope for should look with favor on the Republic—a struggle, I say, as great as there has never yet been. Come now, this evil I share in common with everyone. I lay no charge on you to think about that; but I beg you, take up this problem that is peculiarly mine. Do you see how, on your advice, I embraced both men? And I could wish that from the start I had listened to you giving me your most friendly warning. "But never did you persuade the heart within my breast" [Greek: all' emon oupote thumon eni stethessin epeithes; Homer, Iliad]. Yet in the end you did persuade me to embrace the one because he had deserved excellently well of me, the other because he was so powerful. And so I did it, and brought it about by every sort of compliance that I should be dearer to neither of them than to anyone else. [3] For this was my reasoning: that, joined with Pompey, I should never at any time be obliged to do wrong in public affairs, and that, agreeing with Caesar, I should not have to fight against Pompey—so close was the alliance between them. Now there hangs over us, as you point out and I see for myself, the utmost contention between them. And each of them counts me as his own—unless perhaps the one is pretending. For Pompey has no doubt: he rightly judges that I strongly approve of what he now thinks about public affairs. And I have received from each of them a letter of such a kind, arriving at the same time as yours, that neither seemed to value anyone in the world more than me. [4] But what am I to do? I am not asking about that final extremity—for if the matter is to be settled in the field, I see that it is preferable to be defeated with the one than to conquer with the other—but about those measures that will be debated when I have arrived: that no account is to be taken of an absent candidate, that he is to disband his army. "Speak, Marcus Tullius." What am I to say? "Wait, I beg you, until I can meet Atticus"? There is no room for shuffling. Against Caesar? "Where now are those clasped right hands?" For to enable him to have this privilege I lent my help, asked by Caesar himself at Ravenna in the matter of Caelius the tribune of the plebs. By Caesar himself, did I say? Yes, and by our Gnaeus [Pompey] too, in that divine third consulship of his. Shall I think otherwise? "I feel shame" [Greek: aideomai]—not before Pompey only, but before "the Trojan men and the Trojan women." "Polydamas will be the first to reproach me" [Greek: troas kai Troiadas... Pouludamas moi protos elencheien katathesei; Homer, Iliad]. [5] Who is my Polydamas? You yourself, of course, the praiser both of my deeds and of my writings. So have I escaped this blow through the two earlier consulships of the Marcelli, when Caesar's province was being debated, only now to fall into the crisis itself? And so—so that some fool may be the first to give his opinion—I am strongly minded to contrive something about a triumph, and to be outside the city on the most just of grounds. Yet they will take pains to draw my opinion out of me. Here, perhaps, you will laugh. How I wish I were even now lingering in my province! There was plainly need of it, if this was hanging over us—though nothing could be more wretched. For, by the way [Greek: hodou parergon, a thing met on the road], I want you to know this: all those fine first acts of mine, which even you in your letters extolled to the skies, were a mere veneer [Greek: epitekta, things laid on the surface]. [6] How hard a thing virtue is! and how much harder still to keep up the pretense of it for long! For when I thought it right and glorious to leave to my quaestor C. Coelius a year's allowance out of the yearly sum that had been decreed me, and to pay back into the treasury about a million sesterces, my staff groaned, thinking that the whole of that ought to be distributed among them, so that I should turn out more friendly to the treasuries of the Phrygians and Cilicians than to our own. But they did not move me; for my own good name weighed most heavily with me, and yet there was no honor that could be paid to any of them that I left undone. But let this be, as Thucydides says, a digression [Greek: ekbole logou]—and not a useless one. [7] You, then, will think about my position: first, by what stratagem we may safeguard Caesar's goodwill; then about the triumph itself, which, unless the crises of the Republic get in the way, I see as easy to come by [Greek: euporiston]. I judge so both from the letters of my friends and from the public thanksgiving. The man who voted against decreeing it decreed more for me than if he had voted for every triumph there is. With him, moreover, one of my own intimates concurred, Favonius, and another out of anger, Hirrus. But Cato was present at the drafting and sent me the most delightful letter about his vote. And yet Caesar, in congratulating me on the thanksgiving, exults over Cato's vote: he does not write what opinion Cato actually delivered, but only that he had not voted me a thanksgiving. [8] I return to Hirrus. You had begun to reconcile him to me; finish it. You have Scrofa, you have Silius. I have written to them, and already before this to Hirrus himself. For he had said to them, in a friendly way, that he could conveniently have blocked the measure but had not wished to; that he had nevertheless concurred with Cato, my very good friend, when Cato delivered the most honorable opinion about me; and that I had sent no letter to him, though I was sending one to everybody. He spoke the truth. For it was to him alone, and to Crassipes, that I had not written. [9] And so much for public affairs; let us come back home. I want to disentangle myself from that fellow [Philotimus]. He is a sheer cheat [Greek: phurates, a confounder, a stirrer-up of muddle], a regular Lartidius. "But these things we shall let lie as done already, grieved though we are" [Greek: alla ta men protetuchthai easomen achnumenoi per; Homer, Iliad]. Let us settle the rest. First this—which has added worry to my grief—but still, this, whatever it amounts to: I do not want the Precian money mixed in with those accounts of mine that he handles. I have written to Terentia, and also to the man himself, that whatever cash I can raise I shall remit to you for the equipping of the triumph I hope for. So I think it will give no cause for complaint [Greek: amempta, beyond reproach]—but it shall be as you please. Take up this care too: how we are to manage it. You yourself indicated this in a letter sent from Epirus—or Athens—and in this I will support you.

I did give L. Saufeius a letter, one for you alone, because, though I had no time to write, I was reluctant that so intimate an acquaintance of yours should come to you without a note from me. But, considering the pace of philosophers, I imagine the present letter will reach you first. If, however, you have got that earlier letter now, you will know that I arrived at Athens on Oct. 14; that on disembarking at the port I received your letter from our friend Acastus; that, perturbed though I was at your arrival in Rome with a fever, nevertheless I began to take heart at Acastus' welcome announcement of your convalescence; but shivered myself at your news of Caesar's legions, and pleaded with you to beware lest friend Philotimus' time-serving injure us. As for the point I touched on long ago (misrepresented to you by Turranius at Brundisium, as I gathered from a letter received from that good fellow Xeno), I set forth briefly the reason why I had not put my brother in charge of the province. Those practically were the topics of that letter. Now hear what remains. In heaven's name, I want all the affection which you have lavished on me, and all your worldly wisdom, which I swear to my mind is unrivalled in every subject, to be devoted to a careful estimate of my whole position. For myself, I seem to foresee a terrific struggle, unless indeed the same god, who wrought above my boldest hopes in freeing us from a Parthian war, take pity on the state—anyhow, such a terrific struggle as there never has been before. True, the calamity would fall not only on me, but on every one. I don't ask you to consider the wider problem: solve my own little case, I entreat. Don't you see that it is you who are responsible for my friendship with both Pompey and Caesar? Ah, would that I had listened to your friendly admonitions from the outset. "Thou couldst not sway the spirit in my breast." But at last, however, you persuaded me to be friendly with the one, because he had done so much for me; with the other, because he was so powerful. Well, I did so, and I have studiously contrived to be particularly dear to both of them. For my idea was this. Allied with Pompey, I should never have to be guilty of political impropriety; and, siding with Caesar, I should not have to fight with Pompey. So close was the alliance of those two. But now, on your showing and in my view, there threatens a dire struggle between them. Each of them counts me his friend—unless, perhaps, Caesar is dissembling; for Pompey has no doubt, rightly supposing that his present political views have my strongest approval. But both have sent me letters (which came with yours) in terms that would appear to make more of me than of anyone at all. But what am I to do? I don't mean in the long run. If the matter is to be fought in the field, I see it would be better to be beaten with Pompey than to win with Caesar. But what about the points in debate on my arrival—refusing the claims of a candidate who is away from Rome and ordering the disbanding of his army. "Your opinion, Marcus Tullius," will be the question. What am I to say? "Please wait till I meet Atticus?" There is no chance of evasion. I speak against Caesar? "Where then the pledge of plighted hands?" For I assisted in getting Caesar privilege on these two points, when I was asked by him personally at Ravenna to approach Caelius the tribune to propose a bill. Asked by him personally, do I say? Yes, and by our friend Pompey in that immortal third consulship. Shall I choose the other course? "I fear" not only Pompey, but "the men and long-robed dames of Troy": "Polydamas will be the first to rail." Who's he? Why, you, who praise my work and writings. Have I then avoided this trap during the last two consulships of the Marcelli, when the matter of Caesar's province was under debate, only to fall now into the thick of the trouble? That some fool may have the first vote on the motion, I feel strongly inclined to devote my energies to my triumph, a most reasonable excuse for staying outside the city. Nevertheless they will try to extract my opinion. Perhaps this will excite your mirth: I wish to goodness I were still staying in my province. I certainly ought to have stayed, if this was coming: though it would have been most wretched. For by the way there is one thing I want to tell you. All that show of virtue at first, which even you praised sky high in your letters, was only superficial. Truly righteousness is hard: hard even to pretend to it for long. For, when I thought it a fine show of rectitude to leave my quaestor C. Caelius a year's cash out of what was decreed me for my budget and to pay back into the treasury £8,800, my staff, thinking all the money should have been distributed among them, lamented that I should turn out to be more friendly to the treasuries of Phrygia and Cilicia than to our own. I was unmoved: for I set my good name before everything. Yet there is no possible honour that I have omitted to bestow on any of these knaves. This, in Thucydides' phrase, is a digression—but not pointless. But as to my position. You will consider first by what trick I can retain Caesar's good will: and then the matter of my triumph, which, barring political obstacles, seems to me easy to get: I infer as much from letters from friends and from that business of the public thanksgiving in my honour. For the man who voted against it, voted for more than if he had voted for all the triumphs in the world; moreover his adherents were one a friend of mine, Favonius, and another an enemy, Hirrus. Cato both took part in drafting the decree, and sent me a most agreeable letter about his vote. But Caesar, in writing to congratulate me over the thanksgiving, exults over Cato's vote, says nothing about the latter's speech on the occasion, and merely remarks that he opposed the proclamation of a thanksgiving. I come back to Hirrus. You have begun to reconcile him to me; accomplish it. Scrofa and Silius are on your side. I have already written to them and to Hirrus himself. For Hirrus had told them in a friendly way that he could easily have prevented the decree, but was reluctant; that, however, he had sided with Cato, my very good friend, when the latter recorded a vote complimenting me in the highest terms. Hirrus added that I had omitted to write to him, though I had sent letters to every one else. He was right. It was only to him and to Crassipes that I did not write. So much for public life. Let us come home. I wish to dissociate myself from that fellow Philotimus. He is a veritable muddler, a regular Lartidius. "A truce to what is past for all our pain." Let us settle what remains; and first this point, which adds anxiety to my sorrow. This sum, I mean, whatever it is, which comes from Precius, I do not want mixed up with the accounts of mine of which that fellow has the handling. I have written to Terentia and to Philotimus himself that I shall deposit with you any moneys I may collect, for the equipment of the triumph I anticipate. So I fancy there will be no amour propre wounded: but as they like. Here is another matter for your consideration—the steps I am to take to arrange this business. You outlined them in a letter dated from Epirus or Athens, and I will support your plan.

Dederam equidem L. Saufeio litteras et dederam ad te unum, quod cum non esset temporis mihi ad scribendum satis, tamen hominem tibi tam familiarem sine meis litteris ad te venire nolebam; sed ut philosophi ambulant, has tibi redditum iri putabam prius. sin iam illas accepisti, scis me Athenas venisse pr. Idus Octobris, e navi egressum in Piraeum tuas ab Acasto nostro litteras accepisse, conturbatum quod cum febre Romam venisses, bono tamen animo esse coepisse quod Acastus ea quae vellem de adlevato corpore tuo nuntiaret, cohorruisse autem me eo quod tuae litterae de legionibus Caesaris adferrent, et egisse tecum ut videres ne quid philotimia eius quem nosti nobis noceret; et, de quo iam pridem ad te scripseram, Turranius autem secus tibi Brundisi dixerat (quod ex iis litteris cognovi quas a Xenone, optimo viro, accepi), cur fratrem provinciae non praefecissem exposui breviter. haec fere sunt in illa epistula. [2] nunc audi reliqua. per fortunas! omnem tuum amorem quo me es amplexus omnemque tuam prudentiam quam me hercule in omni genere iudico singularem confer ad eam curam ut de omni statu meo cogites. videre enim mihi videor tantam dimicationem, nisi idem deus qui nos melius quam optare auderemus Parthico bello liberavit respexerit rem publicam,—sed tantam quanta numquam fuit. age, hoc malum mihi commune est cum omnibus. nihil tibi mando ut de eo cogites, illud meum proprium problema, quaeso, suscipe. videsne ut te auctore sim utrumque complexus? ac vellem a principio te audisse amicissime monentem. all' emon oupote thumon eni stethessin epeithes sed aliquando tamen persuasisti ut alterum complecterer quia de me erat optime meritus, alterum quia tantum valebat. feci igitur itaque effeci omni obsequio ut neutri illorum quisquam esset me carior. [3] haec enim cogitabamus, nec mihi coniuncto cum Pompeio fore necesse peccare in re publica aliquando nec cum Caesare sentienti pugnandum esse cum Pompeio. tanta erat illorum coniunctio. nunc impendet, ut et tu ostendis et ego video, summa inter eos contentio. me autem uterque numerat suum, nisi forte simulat alter. nam Pompeius non dubitat; vere enim iudicat ea quae de re publica nunc sentiat mihi valde probari. utriusque autem accepi eius modi litteras eodem tempore quo tuas, ut neuter quemquam omnium pluris facere quam me videretur. [4] verum quid agam? non quaero illa ultima (si enim castris res geretur, video cum altero vinci satius esse quam cum altero vincere), sed illa quae tum agentur cum venero, ne ratio absentis habeatur, ut exercitum dimittat. 'DIC, M. TVLLI.' quid dicam? 'exspecta, amabo te, dum Atticum conveniam '? non est locus ad tergiversandum. contra Caesarem? 'ubi illae sunt densae dexterae?' nam ut illi hoc liceret adiuvi rogatus ab ipso Ravennae de Caelio tribuno pl. ab ipso autem? etiam a Gnaeo nostro in illo divino tertio consulatu. aliter sensero; aideomai non Pompeium modo sed troas kai Troiadas. Pouludamas moi protos elencheien katathesei. [5] quis? tu ipse scilicet laudator et factorum et scriptorum meorum. hanc ergo plagam effugi per duos superiores Marcellorum consulatus cum est actum de provincia Caesaris, nunc incido in discrimen ipsum? itaque +ut stultus+ primus suam sententiam dicat, mihi valde placet de triumpho nos moliri aliquid, extra urbem esse cum iustissima causa. tamen dabunt operam ut eliciant sententiam meam. ridebis hoc loco fortasse. quam vellem etiam nunc in provincia morari! plane opus fuit, si hoc impendebat. etsi nil miserius. nam hodou parergon volo te hoc scire. omnia illa prima quae etiam (tu) tuis litteris in caelum ferebas epitekta fuerunt. [6] quam non est facilis virtus: quam vero difficilis eius diuturna simulatio! Cum enim hoc rectum et gloriosum putarem, ex annuo sumptu qui mihi decretus esset me C. Coelio quaestori relinquere annuum, referre in aerarium ad HS +cI[c]+, ingemuit nostra cohors omne illud putans distribui sibi oportere, ut ego amicior invenirer Phrygum et Cilicum aerariis quam nostro. sed me non moverunt; nam et mea laus apud me plurimum valuit nec tamen quicquam honorifice in quemquam fieri potuit quod praetermiserim. sed haec fuerit ut ait Thucydides, ekbole logou non inutilis. [7] tu autem de nostro statu cogitabis primum quo artificio tueamur benevolentiam Caesaris, deinde de ipso triumpho; quem video, nisi rei publicae tempora impedient, euporiston. iudico autem cum ex litteris amicorum tum ex supplicatione. quam qui non decrevit, plus decrevit quam si omnis decresset triumphos. ei porro adsensus est unus familiaris meus, Favonius, alter iratus, Hirrus. Cato autem et scribendo adfuit et ad me de sententia sua iucundissimas litteras misit. sed tamen gratulans mihi Caesar de supplicatione triumphat de sententia Catonis nec scribit quid ille sententiae dixerit sed tantum supplicationem eum mihi non decrevisse. [8] redeo ad Hirrum. coeperas eum mihi placare; perfice. habes Scrofam, habes Silium. ad eos ego et iam antea scripsi ad ipsum Hirrum. locutus enim erat cum iis commode se potuisse impedire sed noluisse; adsensum tamen esse Catoni, amicissimo meo, cum is honorificentissimam in me sententiam dixisset; nec me ad se ullas litteras misisse, cum ad omnis mitterem. verum dicebat. ad eum enim solum et ad Crassipedem non scripseram. [9] atque haec de rebus forensibus; redeamus domum. Diiungere me ab illo volo. merus est phurates germanus Lartidius. alla ta men protetuchthai easomen achnumenoi per. reliqua expediamus, hoc primum—quod accessit cura dolori meo,—sed tamen hoc, quicquid est, Precianum cum lis rationibus quas ille meas tractat admisceri nolo. scripsi ad Terentiam, scripsi etiam ad ipsum, me quicquid possem nummorum ad apparatum sperati triumphi ad te redacturum. ita puto amempta fore; verum ut libebit. hanc quoque suscipe curam quem ad modum experiamur. id tu et ostendisti quibusdam litteris ex Epiro (an) Athenis datis et in eo ego te adiuvabo.