Letter 17: We are worn out with inviting you and waiting for you.

XVII. Paulinus to Severus. We are worn out both with inviting you and with waiting for you, and we have left neither prayers nor words to add, having so often poured them out in entreaties and letters in vain. This one thing, which you left to our common friendship once the hope of each other's presence had been cut away, we repay words with words, and we long to be comforted at least by these consolations, which bear no fruit, although in these too you have begun to be sparing, now demanding occasions from us, you who for nearly two whole years have tormented us, kept in suspense, with the daily expectation of seeing you. For that summer too, which followed the return of our boys to you, we closed up in such a way, until winter shut it off, that we thought every day was dawning for us toward your arrival; but since the heralds of your delay had not arrived either, we consoled ourselves with this reckoning, that we kept assuring ourselves you had sent no one for this very reason, because you yourself were going to be present, even if late. Meanwhile, as this summer too was slipping away, yet with that hope or supposition still caressing us, we set out to Rome for the venerable day of the apostolic solemnity, promising ourselves your meeting with us there in an expectation that was owed indeed but nonetheless festive; and when the grace of our presumed hope had boiled away, because you yourself were not present, yet we were not altogether left empty-handed, receiving your letter through the man of a person most dear to us, our brother Sabinus. Whom indeed at first we wondered at, since he had nothing of the monk's boot or garb, and since moreover his face was no less ruddy than his cloak, with cheeks little suited to spiritual things, only then did we recognize that he was not one of ours, when through that very master of the letter-carrier, who was demanding letters back from us, we learned that you were joined to him by the closest bond. And so we now embrace with redoubled love that man whom we formerly loved as a friend. Nevertheless there was no opportunity of writing back from the city, which we scarcely saw for ten days while not seeing it, spending the time itself before midday among our acquaintances, for whose care we had come, through the sacred memorials of the apostles and martyrs. Then, when we had returned to our lodging, occupied with countless gatherings, of which some friendship and some religion brought together, so that evening scarcely broke up the assemblies and released us, we necessarily put off the duty for lack of free time. Then, after we had returned home, a bodily illness that befalls the flesh presented another delay and tested us not lightly for not a few days. But he who is our life and resurrection visited our lowliness for good, and when chastising he had chastised us, he did not hand us over to death. For many are the scourges of the sinner, but mercy will surround those who hope in the Lord. And therefore we were beaten as sinners, set free as those who hope in his mercy, who heals the broken of heart and binds up their bruises. These things therefore, now growing strong again in the strength and mercy of the Lord, we have written through our most dear brother in the Lord Amachius, subdeacon of our lord and father Delphinus, because his occasion was at hand, and at the same time, because he asserted that he was very well known to you, we believed him most opportune as the one to whom we might entrust our letters to you. We greet you as much as we love you in the Lord and still desire you; for we are not yet able to tear from our minds that hope by which we presume that you must be seen and embraced by us, by the gift of the Lord, in the seat and bosom of my lord, our common patron Felix, to whom I have so often borne witness to your vows and recited your promises, as often as you cautiously bring back to me your memory of these things. If we have deceived the martyr of truth, I do not think that I alone should be set up as guilty of this fault, but rather he who has pledged what I believed; you, I beg, my brother of one mind and most beloved, while there is time, see to it that you do not appear to have refused so great a confessor, one so holy in the power of his grace before Christ. How you can plead infirmity rather than laziness or partiality of persons, I do not know, since within a year you could have come to us and returned by the same effort by which for so many years you frequent your Gallic journeys, and with excursions often repeated within a single summer visit Tours and more remote places. I do not begrudge it, rather I proclaim your devotion in the Lord, whom you admire and honor in his half-free servants. Justly, I confess, and deservedly is Martin frequented; but I say that it is unjustly and ruinously that Felix is mocked with empty promises by the same man who honors Martin, or is despised by the unconcerned dissembling of a promise now as if abolished. By the same faith with which you hope for Christ's grace in honoring Martin, fear Christ's offense in the offense against Felix; and perhaps a stronger mind and a more robust soul or a conscience powerful in the perfect love that is in Christ may furnish you with such great confidence that, by the recompense of the great merits of your faith and work, you think this offense, by which you may have wronged my lord Felix - which God forbid - is to be washed away. Although you promise yourself pardon even from his own goodness, which he holds most abundant from him whose spirit he is, God Christ, and you do so faithfully: yet I confess that, whether from the fault of my infirmity I am too timid, or from too much of my love for you, I fear even safe things on your behalf, and while I desire the grace of Christ to abound for you in every saint, I would not wish you to run into a stone of stumbling in that very one in whom God's love is distinguished and eminent. I know indeed that, according to the riches of God's goodness, the bowels of piety overflow also in my lord Felix; but you, I beg, love and fear him the more, the better and more indulgent he is. Such fear will bring you a great reward, that you be the more anxious here, where you can be the more secure, that is, that you the more fear to offend the one dear to God, the more readily he deigns to forgive, because he who does not know how to be offended is wounded by greater impiety and is avenged more grievously by the Lord, he who does not seek to be avenged. Weigh, I beg you, this case by the feeling of mutual faith, and see whether you ought either, being strong, to excuse yourself, or, being weak, to distrust. For our Lord is near to us everywhere, who says: in every place, while you are still speaking, behold, I am present, and he says: all things are possible to the one who believes.

XVII. PAVLINVS SEVIJRO. Et inuitando te et expectando defessi sumus, neque nobis aut uota iam aut uerba supersunt, quae totiens precibus ac litteris frustra effusis adiciamus. quod unum amicitiae communis spe praesentiae inuicem nostrae amputata reliquisti, uerba uerbis rependimus et his saltem solaciis, quae fructum non habent, refoueri optamus, quamquam in his quoque parcus esse coeperis, iam occasionibus nos requirens, toto prope nos biennio suspensos cotidiana conspectus tui expectatione cruciasti. nam et illam aestatem, quae puerorum nostrorum ad te reditum consecuta est, ita clausimus, donec hiems intercluderet, ut omnem diem ad aduentum nobis tuum inlucescere putaremus; sed quoniam nec indices tuae dilationis aduenerant, ea reputatione nos consolabamur, ut te neminem idcirco misisse, quia ipse uel sero adfuturus esses, confirmaremus. interea et hac aestate labente, spe tamen ea nos uel opinione palpante, Romam ad uenerabilem sollemnitatis apostolicae diem profecti sumus, concursum nobis illic tuum debita quidem sed tamen festiua meditatione promittentes, cum decocta praesumptae spei gratia, quod ipse non aderas, non tamen omnino nulla conpotimur, sumentes litteras tuas per hominem carissimi nobis uiri, fratris nostri Sabini. quem quidem primo minime monachali caliga et ueste mirati, cum praeterea facie non minus quam armilausa ruberet, parum spiritalibus buccis, tunc demum esse non nostrum sciuimus, cum per ipsum tabellarii dominum litteras a nobis reposcentem necessitudine uos 2 mediteris] edideris LMP1, edideris Vale FP\'U . — finit ad iouium prosa 0 0. — 6 uota ex tota 0, uita v supsunt v, semper sunt 0 7 unam 0 9 saltim 0 11 cooperis 0 et toto fort . 13 illa estate v, illamaiestatem 0 14 reditum v, creditum 0 17 ut v, om. 0 19 haec 0 spe tamen p, spectamen 0 27 armilausa v, armis lausa 0 proxima copulatos esse conperimus. unde et illum ante amicum cumulato nunc amore conplectimur. Rescribendi tamen ex urbe facultas non fuit, quam uix decem dies uidimus non uidentes et ipsum temporis ante meridiem in notis nostris, quorum cura ueneramus, per apostolorum et martyrum sacras memorias consumentes. deinde ut ad hospitium redissemus, innumeris frequentationibus occupati, quorum partim amicitia, partim religio contrahebat, uix ut uespera solueret coetus nosque laxaret, necessario distulimus officium inopia uacationis. deinde regressis domum aliam moram accidua carnaliter aegritudo obtulit nec paucis diebus haud leuiter nos examinauit. sed, qui uita nostra et resurrectio est, uisitauit in bono humilitatem nostram et cum castigans castigasset nos, morti non tradidit. multa enim flagella peccatoris, sed sperantes in dominum misericordia circumdabit. atque ideo uerberati sumus ut peccatores, liberati ut sperantes in misericordia eius, qui sanat contritos corde et alligat contritiones eorum. Haec igitur iam in uirtute et misericordia domini reualescentes per carissimum in domino fratrem Amachium, domni et patris nostri Delphini subdiaconum, quia ipsius occasio praesto erat, scripsimus, simul, quia se notissimum tibi esse adserebat, oportunissimum credidimus cui litteras ad te nostras crederemus. salutamus te tantum quantum diligimus in domino et adhuc desideramus; nam reuellere de animis nostris spem istam necdum possumus, qua praesumimus te uidendum amplectendumque nobis dono domini in sede ac sinu domni mei, communis patroni Felicis, cui uota tua totiens contestatus sum et promissa recitaui, quotiens a te mihi cauta reminisceris. si fefellimus martyrem ueritatis, non opinor me solum statuendum huius culpae reum, uerum qui spopondi quod credidi; tu, quaeso, mi frater unanime et 12] (Ioh. 11, 25). 13] Ps. 117,18. 14] Ps. 31, 10. 17] Ps. 144,8. 3 quam Bosw., quem Ov 4 decim 0 6 sacras v, sacra 0 11 accidua v, acciduo 0 21 domini. v delflni 0 31 opiner v uerum om. v 32 spopondi v, spopondit 0 dilectissime, dum tempus est, uideas, ne tanto confessori, tam potentis gratiae apud Christum sancto isse uidearis infitias. Causari infirmitatem magis quam pigritiam uel exceptionem personarum qui possis, nescio, cum intra annum eadem opera ad nos potueris peruenire ac recurrere, qua Gallicanas peregrinationes tot annis frequentas et iteratis saepe intra unam aestatem excursibus Turonos et remotiora uisitas. non inuideo, praedico magis deuotionem tuam in domino, quam in semis suis admiraris et honoras. iuste fateor et merito Martinum frequentari; sed dico iniuste pernicioseque Felicem ab eodem, qui illum honoret, promissis inanibus ludi uel secura promissi iam ut aboliti dissimulatione contemni. qua fide speras Christi gratiam in honore Martini, eadem Christi offensam time in offensione Felicis; et tibi forsitan mens fortior et anima robustior aut potens conscientia perfectae in Christo dilectionis tantam ministret fiduciam, ut magnorum fidei et operationis tuae meritorum conpensatione delictum hoc, quo dominum meum Felicem, quod absit, laeseris, diluendum putes. quamquam de ipsius etiam tibi bonitate, quam de ipso, cuius spiritus est, deo Christo largissimam habet, ueniam tibi polliceris et fideliter facis: uerum ego uel tam timidum me uitio infirmitatis meae uel tam nimium amoris tui fateor, ut pro te etiam tuta timeam, et dum in omni sancto abundare tibi gratiam Christi cupio, nolim te in eo potissimum, in quo dei caritas est insignis et eminens, lapidem offensionis incurrere. scio quidem secundum diuitias bonitatis dei et in domino meo Felice uiscera pietatis adfluere; sed tu, quaeso, hoc eum magis diligas et timeas, quo melior est et indulgentior. magnam tibi talis formido mercedem pariet, ut hinc sollicitior sis, unde potes esse securior, id est ut tanto magis carissimum dei metuas offendere, quanto promptius dignatur ignoscere, quia maiore inpietate laeditur qui nescit offendi et grauius 7] (cf. Verg. Ecl. I 11).. 6 frequentas Rosw., frequentatas Ov 19 quamquam scripsi, quam tam Ov 24 pr . in om. 0 potissimum v, potii nraln 0 31 quanto o, quanam 0 uindicatur a domino qui non expetit uindicari. conice, quaeso te, causam istam mutuae affectu fidei et uide si debeas aut ualidus excusare aut infirmus diffidere. dominus enim noster proximus ubique nobis est, qui dicit: in omni loco, dum adhuc loqueris, ecce adsum, et ait: omnia possibilia credenti.