Letter 5.2

If you and the army are well, I am glad. You write that, because of our mutual regard and the friendship renewed between us, you thought you would not be made ridiculous by me. I do not clearly understand what you mean, but I suspect you have heard that, when I was saying in the senate that many people were annoyed because I had saved the state, I added that your relatives, whose wishes you had not been able to resist, had made you pass over in silence what you had already decided you ought to say in praise of me. But I also said this: the defense of the republic had been divided between us in such a way that I was defending the city against domestic treachery and the crimes of its own citizens, while you were defending Italy against armed enemies and hidden conspiracy. That partnership in so noble and glorious a work, I said, had been endangered by your relatives; for though I had praised you in the fullest and most honorable terms, they were afraid that any display of goodwill from you toward me would be set down to my credit. That sentence showed how much I had expected from your speech, and how mistaken I had been in that expectation. It raised a little laughter, but the laughter was not at you. It was at my mistake, and at my open, naive admission of how eager I had been for your praise. Surely it is a compliment to you that, at the height of my success and glory, I still wanted some approving word from you. As for your phrase "mutual regard," I do not know what you take mutual friendship to mean. I take it to mean an equal exchange of goodwill. If I were to say that I passed over a province for your sake, you might think me less than sincere, since the decision also suited my own convenience, and every day I feel more clearly what advantage and pleasure it brought me. But this I do say: the moment I announced in a public meeting that I would not take a province, I at once began thinking how I could pass it on to you. I say nothing about the drawing of lots; I only want you to suspect that nothing was done in that matter by my colleague without my knowledge. Recall everything else: how promptly I summoned the senate on the day after the lots were drawn, and how fully I spoke about you. You yourself said at the time that my speech not only honored you, but almost reflected on your colleagues. The decree passed that day has a preamble which, as long as it exists, can leave no doubt about my services to you. Afterward, when you had left town, remember my motions in the senate, my speeches before the people, and my letters to you. When you review them all, I would like you to judge for yourself whether your last approach to Rome was an adequate return for those services. Again, when you speak of friendship restored, I do not understand why you use that word about a friendship that had never been broken. You say that your brother Metellus ought not to have been attacked by me over a single word. First, let me say that I warmly approve your feeling for him and your brotherly loyalty, full as it is of humanity and natural affection. Next, I ask your indulgence if, in the interest of the republic, I ever opposed your brother; my devotion to the republic must come first. But if I defended my own safety against his most ruthless assault, I think you should be content that I do not complain even to you about the injuries your brother did me. When I learned that he was deliberately preparing to use his tribunate for my ruin, I appealed to your wife Claudia and to your sister Mucia, whose kindness to me, because of my friendship with Pompey, I had often experienced. I asked them to hold him back from that injustice. Yet, as I am sure you have heard, on December 31 he inflicted on me, a consul and preserver of my country, an indignity never inflicted even on the lowest magistrate among disloyal citizens: when I laid down office, he denied me the right to address the people. The insult turned back to my honor. Since he allowed me only to swear the oath, I swore aloud the truest and most glorious oath possible, and the people cried aloud that it was true. Even after suffering that public insult, I sent common friends to Metellus that same day to persuade him to change his course. He answered that he was no longer free to do so. A little earlier he had said in a public meeting that a man who had punished others without trial ought not himself to be allowed to speak. What consistency. What admirable citizenship. So he thought the man who had saved the senate from massacre, the city from arson, and Italy from war deserved the same penalty that the senate, with all loyal citizens approving, imposed on men who meant to burn the city, murder magistrates and senators, and raise a terrifying war. I therefore resisted your brother Metellus face to face. On January 1, in the senate, I debated the condition of the republic with him in a way that taught him he had to deal with a man of courage and firmness. On January 3, when he again opened the debate, he kept turning on me and threatening me almost every third word. His clear purpose was to overthrow me by any means he could, not by calm legal argument, but by violence and bluster. If I had shown no courage in resisting that reckless attack, would not everyone have concluded that the courage I showed in my consulship had come by accident rather than by deliberate purpose? If you did not know what Metellus was planning against me, you must see that your brother kept you ignorant about matters of the greatest importance. If he did confide any part of his plan to you, then surely you should think me mild and reasonable, since I do not address a word of reproach to you even for these things. Understand, then, that I was not roused by a single word from Metellus, as you say, but by his settled policy and extraordinary hostility toward me. Then consider my restraint, if restraint is the right name for slackness and hesitation under a bitter injury. I never once gave a vote in a speech against your brother; whenever a motion was before the house, I agreed without rising with the proposal that seemed mildest. I will add this: although I was under no obligation, I even tried to secure, through a decree of the senate, relief from penalties for my enemy, because he was your brother. So I have not attacked your brother. I have only defended myself against his attack. Nor have I been fickle, to use your word. On the contrary, I have been so constant that I remained faithful to my friendship with you, though you had given me no sign of kindness. Even now, though your letter is almost a threat, I am answering in the tone you see. I not only pardon your distress; I even strongly approve it, because my own heart tells me how powerful brotherly affection is. I ask you in turn to judge my distress generously. When I have been attacked bitterly, brutally, and without cause by your relatives, you should think that I not only ought not to withdraw anything, but in a case like this should even be able to count on the help of you and your army. I have always wanted you as a friend, and I have worked to make you understand that I am warmly attached to you. I stand by that feeling, and I will continue to stand by it as long as you allow me. I will sooner stop being angry with your brother for love of you than, from anger at him, lessen in the least my goodwill toward you.

XIV (Fam. V, 2) TO Q. METELLUS (IN CISALPINE GAUL) ROME M. Tullius , son of Marcus, to Q. Metellus Celer , son of Quintus, proconsul wishes health. If you and the army are well I shall be glad. You say in your letter that you “thought, considering our mutual regard and the reconciliation effected between us, that you were not likely to be held up to ridicule by me.” To what you refer I do not clearly understand, but I suspect that you have been informed that, while arguing in the senate that there were many who were annoyed at my having saved the state, I said that your relations, whose wishes you had been unable to withstand, had induced you to pass over in silence what you had made up your mind you ought to say in the senate in my praise. But while saying so I also added this — that the duty of supporting the Republic had been so divided between us that I was defending the city from internal treachery and the crime of its own citizens, you Italy from armed enemies and covert conspiracy yet that this association in a task so noble and so glorious had been imperilled by your relations, who, while you had been complimented by me in the fullest and most laudatory terms, had been afraid of any display of mutual regard on your part being put to my credit. As this sentence betrayed how much I had looked forward to your speech, and how mistaken I had been in that expectation, my speech caused some amusement, and was received with a moderate amount of laughter; but the laugh was not against you, it was rather at my mistake, and at the open and naive confession of my eagerness to be commended by you. Surely it cannot but be a compliment to you that in the hour of my greatest triumph and glory I yet wished for some testimony of approval from your lips. As to your expression, “considering our mutual regard ” — I don't know your idea of what is “mutual” in friendship; mine is an equal interchange of good feeling. Now if I were to mention that I passed over a province for your sake, you might think me somewhat insincere; for, in point of fact, it suited my convenience, and I feel more and more every day of my life the advantage and pleasure which I have received from that decision. But this I do say — the moment I had announced in public meeting my refusal of a province, I began at once thinking how I might hand it on to you. I say nothing as to the circumstances of your allotment: I only wish you to suspect that nothing was done in that matter by my colleague without my cognizance. Recall the other circumstances: how promptly I summoned the senate on that day after the lots had been drawn, at what a length I spoke about you. You yourself said at the time that my speech was not merely complimentary to you, but absolutely a reflection on your colleagues. Further, the decree of the senate passed on that day has such a preamble that, so long as it is extant, there can never be any doubt of my services to you. Subsequently, when you had gone out of town; I would have you recall my motions in the senate, my speeches in public meetings, my letters to yourself. And having reviewed all these together, I would like you to judge yourself whether you think that your approach to Rome the last time you came quite showed an adequate return for all these services. Again, as to your expression, “the reconciliation effected between us ” — I do not understand why you speak of “reconciliation” in the case of a friendship that had never been broken. As to what you say, that your brother Metellus ought not “to have been attacked by me for a mere word,” in the first place I would like to assure you that your feeling and fraternal partiality — so full of human kindness and natural affection — meet with my warmest approbation; in the next place I must claim your indulgence if I have in any matter opposed your brother in the interests of the Republic, for my devotion to the Republic is paramount. If however, it is my personal safety that I have defended against a most ruthless assault of his, I think you should be content that I make no complaint even to you of your brother's injurious conduct. Now, when I had become aware that he was deliberately making every preparation to use his tribunician office to my ruin, I appealed to your wife Claudia and your sister Mucia (of whose kindness to me for the sake of my friendship with Pompey I had satisfied myself by many instances) to deter him from that injurious conduct. And yet, as I am sure you have heard, on the last day of December he inflicted upon me — a consul and the preserver of my country — an indignity such as was never inflicted upon the most disloyal citizen in the humblest office: that is to say, he deprived me when laying down my office of the privilege of addressing the people — an indignity, however, which after all redounded to my honour. For, upon his forbidding me to do anything but take the oath, I pronounced an oath at once the most absolutely true and the most glorious in a loud voice — an oath which the people swore also in a loud voice to be absolutely true. Though I had actually suffered this signal indignity, I yet on that same day sent common friends to Metellus to persuade him to alter his resolution; to whom he answered that he was no longer free to do so. And, in fact, a short time previously he had said in a public meeting that a man who had punished others without trial ought not himself to be allowed the privilege of speech. What a model of consistency! What an admirable citizen! So he deemed the man who had saved the senate from massacre, the city from the incendiary, Italy from war, deserving of the same penalty as that inflicted by the senate with the unanimous approval of all loyal citizens, upon those who had intended to set fire to the city, butcher magistrates and senate, and stir up a formidable war! Accordingly, I did withstand your brother Metellus to his face: for on the 1st of January, in the senate, I maintained a debate with him on the state of the Republic, such as taught him that he had to contend with a man of courage and firmness. On the 3rd of January, on again opening the debate, he kept harping on me and threatening me at every third word of his speech; nor could any intention be more deliberate than his was to overthrow me by any means in his power, not by calm and judicial argument, but by violence and mere browbeating. If I had not shown some boldness and spirit in opposing his intemperate attack, would not everyone have concluded that the courage I had displayed in my consulship was the result of accident rather than design? If you did not know that Metellus was contemplating these measures in regard to me you must consider that you have been kept in the dark by your brother on matters of the utmost importance: if, on the other hand, he did entrust any part of his designs to you, then surely I ought to be regarded by you as a man of placable and reasonable temper for not addressing a word of reproach to you even on such occurrences as these Understanding then that it was by no “mere word” (as you express it) of Metellus that I was roused, but by his deliberate policy and extraordinary animosity towards me next observe my forbearance — if “forbearance” is the name to be given to irresolution and laxity under a most galling indignity. I never once delivered a vote in a speech against your brother every time a motion was before the house I assented without rising to those whose proposal appeared to me to be the mildest. I will also add that, though in the circumstances there was no obligation upon me to do so, yet so far from raising objections I actually did my best to secure that my enemy, because he was your brother, should be relieved from penalties by a decree of the senate. Wherefore I have not “attacked” your brother, but only defended myself from your brother's attack; nor have I been “fickle” (to quote your word), but, on the contrary, so constant, that I remained faithful to my friendship to you, though left without any sign of kindness from you. For instance, at this moment, though your letter amounts almost to a threat, I am writing back an answer such as you see. I not only pardon your vexation, I even applaud it in the highest degree; for my own heart tells me how strong is the influence of fraternal affection. I ask you in your turn to put a liberal construction upon my vexation, and to conclude that when attacked by your relatives with bitterness, with brutality, and without cause, I not only ought not to retract anything, but, in a case of that kind, should even be able to rely upon the aid of yourself and your army. I have always wished to have you as a friend: I have taken pains to make you understand that I am a warm friend to you. I abide by that sentiment, and shall abide by it as long as you will let me; and I shall more readily cease to be angry with your brother for love of you, than I shall from anger with him abate in the smallest degree my kindness for you.

II. Scr. Romae a.u.c. 692. M. TULLIUS M. F. CICERO Q. METELLO Q. F. CELERI PROCOS. S. D. Si tu exercitusque valetis, bene est. Scribis ad me te existimasse pro mutuo inter nos animo et pro reconciliata gratia numquam te a me ludibrio laesum iri. Quod cuiusmodi sit, satis intelligere non possum, sed tamen suspicor ad te esse allatum me in senatu, cum disputarem permultos esse, qui rem publicam a me conservatam dolerent, dixisse a te propinquos tuos, quibus negare non potuisses, impetrasse, ut ea, quae statuisses tibi in senatu de mea laude esse dicenda, reticeres. Quod cum dicerem, illud adiunxi, mihi tecum ita dispertitum officium fuisse in rei publicae salute retinenda, ut ego urbem a domesticis insidiis et ab intestino scelere, tu Italiam et ab armatis hostibus et ab occulta coniuratione defenderes, atque hanc nostram tanti et tam praeclari muneris societatem a tuis propinquis labefactam, qui, cum tu a me rebus amplissimis atque honorificentissimis ornatus esses, timuissent, ne quae mihi pars abs te voluntatis mutuae tribueretur. Hoc in sermone cum a me exponeretur, quae mea exspectatio fuisset orationis tuae quantoque in errore versatus essem, visa est oratio non iuiucunda et mediocris quidam est risus consecutus, non in te, sed magis in errorem meum et quod me abs te cupisse laudari aperte atque ingenue confitebar. Nam hoc non potest in te non honorifice esse dictum, me in clarissimis meis atque amplissimis rebus tamen aliquod testimonium tuae vocis habere voluisse. Quod autem ita scribis, "pro mutuo inter nos animo," quid tu existimes esse in amicitia mutuum, nescio, equidem hoc arbitror, cum par voluntas accipitur et redditur. Ego si hoc dicam, me tua causa praetermisisse provinciam, tibi ipsi levior videar esse; meae enim rationes ita tulerunt atque eius mei consilii maiorem in dies singulos fructum voluptatemque capio: illud dico, me, ut primum in concione provinciam deposuerim, statim, quemadmodum eam tibi traderem, cogitare coepisse. Nihil dico de sortitione vestra: tantum te suspicari volo, nihil in ea re per collegam meum me insciente esse factum. Recordare cetera: quam cito senatum illo die facta sortitione coegerim, quam multa de te verba fecerim, cum tu ipse mihi dixisti orationem meam non solum in te honorificam, sed etiam in collegas tuos contumeliosam fuisse. Iam illud senatus consultum, quod eo die factum est, ea praescriptione est, ut, dum id exstabit, officium meum in te obscurum esse non possit. Postea vero quam profectus es, velim recordere, quae ego de te in senatu egerim, quae in concionibus dixerim, quas ad te litteras miserim: quae cum omnia collegeris, tu ipse velim iudices, satisne videatur his omnibus rebus tuus adventus, cum proxime Romam venisti, mutue respondisse. Quod scribis de reconciliata gratia nostra, non intelligo, cur reconciliatam esse dicas, quae numquam imminuta est. Quod scribis non oportuisse Metellum fratrem tuum ob dictum a me oppugnari, primum hoc velim existimes, animum mihi istum tuum vehementer probari et fraternam plenam humanitatis ac pietatis voluntatem; deinde, si qua ego in re fratri tuo rei publicae causa restiterim, ut mihi ignoscas—tam enim sum amicus rei publicae, quam qui maxime—; si vero meam salutem contra illius impetum in me crudelissimum defenderim, satis habeas nihil me etiam tecum de tui fratris iniuria conqueri: quem ego cum comperissem omnem sui tribunatus conatum in meam perniciem parare atque meditari, egi cum Claudia, uxore tua, et cum vestra sorore Mucia, cuius erga me studium pro Cn. Pompeii necessitudine multis in rebus perspexeram, ut eum ab illa iniuria deterrerent. Atqui ille, quod te audisse credo, pr. Kal. Ianuarias, qua iniuria nemo umquam in infimo magistratu improbissimus civis affectus est, ea me consulem affecit, cum rem publicam conservassem, atque abeuntem magistratu concionis habendae potestate privavit: cuius iniuria mihi tamen honori summo fuit; nam, cum ille mihi nihil, nisi ut iurarem, permitteret, magna voce iuravi verissimum pulcherrimumque ius iurandum, quod populus item magna voce me vere iurasse iuravit. Hac accepta tam insigni iniuria tamen illo ipso die misi ad Metellum communes amicos, qui agerent cum eo, ut de illa mente desisteret: quibus ille respondit sibi non esse integrum; etenim paullo ante in concione dixerat ei, qui in alios animum advertisset indicta causa, dicendi ipsi potestatem fieri non oportere. Hominem gravem et civem egregium! qui, qua poena senatus consensu bonorum omnium eos affecerat, qui urbem incendere et magistratus ac senatum trucidare et bellum maximum conflare voluissent, eadem dignum iudicarit eum, qui curiam caede, urbem incendiis, Italiam bello liberasset. Itaque ego Metello, fratri tuo, praesenti restiti: nam in senatu Kal. Ianuariis sic cum eo de re publica disputavi, ut sentiret sibi cum viro forti et constanti esse pugnandum; a. d. III Non. Ianuar., cum agere coepisset, tertio quoque verbo orationis suae me appellabat, mihi minabatur, neque illi quidquam deliberatius fuit quam me, quacumque ratione posset, non iudicio neque disceptatione, sed vi atque impressione evertere. Huius ego temeritati si virtute atque animo non restitissem, quis esset, qui me in consulatu non casu potius existimaret quam consilio fortem fuisse? Haec si tu Metellum cogitare de me nescisti, debes existimare te maximis de rebus a fratre esse celatum; sin autem aliquid impertivit tibi sui consilii, lenis a te et facilis existimari debeo, qui nihil tecum de iis ipsis rebus expostulem. Et, si intelligis non me dicto Metelli, ut scribis, sed consilio eius animoque in me inimicissimo esse commotum, cognosce nunc humanitatem meam, si humanitas appellanda est in acerbissima iniuria remissio animi ac dissolutio: nulla est a me umquam sententia dicta in fratrem tuum; quotiescumque aliquid est actum, sedens iis assensi, qui mihi lenissime sentire visi sunt. Addam illud etiam, quod iam ego curare non debui, sed tamen fieri non moleste tuli atque etiam, ut ita fieret, pro mea parte adiuvi, ut senati consulto meus inimicus, quia tuus frater erat, sublevaretur. Quare non ego oppugnavi fratrem tuum, sed fratri tuo repugnavi, nec in te, ut scribis, animo fui mobili, sed ita stabili, ut in mea erga te voluntate etiam desertus ab officiis tuis permanerem. Atque hoc ipso tempore tibi paene minitanti nobis per litteras haec rescribo atque respondeo: ego dolori tuo non solum ignosco, sed summam etiam laudem tribuo—meus enim me sensus, quanta vis fraterni sit amoris, admonet—; a te peto, ut tu quoque aequum te iudicem dolori meo praebeas: si acerbe, si crudeliter, si sine causa sum a tuis oppugnatus, ut statuas mihi non modo non cedendum, sed etiam tuo atque exercitus tui auxilio in eiusmodi causa utendum fuisse; ego te mihi semper amicum esse volui, me ut tibi amicissimum esse intelligeres, laboravi: maneo in voluntate et, quoad voles tu, permanebo citiusque amore tui fratrem tuum odisse desinam, quam illius odio quidquam de nostra benevolentia detraham.