Letter 120: Chrysostom tells Theodora of the misery of his journey to Caesarea and asks her to press his friends for a gentler place of exile.

We are worn out, spent, and have died ten thousand deaths. The people carrying this letter can tell you the details better than I can; they were with us only briefly, and even with them I could hardly speak, crushed as I was by constant fevers. I had to travel night and day while sick, besieged by heat, ruined by sleeplessness, lacking necessities, and without people to care for me. We have suffered things harsher than miners and prisoners endure. Only late, and with difficulty, did I reach Caesarea, as if coming from a storm into calm and harbor. Even this harbor could not undo what the waves had done to me. Still, I breathed a little there: I drank clean water, ate bread that was not foul or dried out, bathed in something better than broken pots, and for the moment was allowed to stay fixed to a bed. I could say more, but I do not want to overwhelm you. Only do not stop reproaching those who love us: with so many friends, and friends of such influence, we have not even obtained what condemned men receive, namely settlement in some gentler and nearer place. Even when my body failed and fear of the Isaurians blocked everything, we did not receive this small mercy. Glory to God even for this. We do not stop glorifying him in everything. Blessed be his name forever. I am surprised at you too. I have sent your good order four or five letters and have received only one. I know this silence is difficult for you as well, but write whenever you can and tell me about your health.

ΡΚʹ. Θεοδώρᾳ. Ἀνηλώθημεν, ἐδαπανήθημεν, μυρίους ἀπεθάνομεν θανάτους· καὶ ταῦτα ἴσασιν ἀκριβέστερον ἀπαγγεῖλαι οἱ τὰ γράμματα ἐγχειρίζοντες, καὶ ταῦτα βραχεῖαν ῥοπὴν ἡμῖν συγγενόμενοι· πρὸς οὓς οὐδὲ διαλεχθῆναί τι μικρὸν ἠδυνήθημεν, ὑπὸ τῶν συνεχῶν πυρετῶν καταβεβλημένοι, οὓς ἔχων καὶ ἐν νυκτὶ καὶ ἐν ἡμέρᾳ ὁδοιπορεῖν ἠναγκαζόμην, καὶ θάλπει πολιορκούμενος, καὶ ὑπὸ ἀγρυπνίας διαφθειρόμενος, καὶ ὑπὸ τῆς τῶν ἐπιτηδείων ἐρημίας ἀπολλύμενος, καὶ τῆς τῶν προστησομένων ἀπορίας. Καὶ γὰρ τῶν τὰ μέταλλα ἐργαζομένων, καὶ τὰ δεσμωτήρια οἰκούντων χαλεπώτερα καὶ πεπόνθαμεν καὶ πάσχομεν. Ὀψὲ δέ ποτε καὶ μόλις ἐπέτυχον τῆς Καισαρείας, ὡς ἀπὸ χειμῶνος εἰς γαλήνην καὶ εἰς λιμένα ἐλθών. Ἀλλ' οὐδὲ ὁ λιμὴν οὗτος ἴσχυσεν ἀνακτήσασθαι τὰ ἀπὸ τοῦ κλυδωνίου κακά· οὕτω καθάπαξ ἡμᾶς ὁ ἔμπροσθεν χρόνος κατειργάσατο. Ἀλλ' ὅμως ἐλθὼν εἰς τὴν Καισάρειαν, μικρὸν ἀνέψυξα, ὅτι ὕδατος ἔπιον καθαροῦ, ὅτι ἄρτου οὐκ ὀδωδότος οὐδὲ κατεσκληκότος μετέλαβον, ὅτι οὐκ ἔτι ἐν τοῖς κλάσμασι τῶν πίθων ἐλουόμην, ἀλλ' εὗρον βαλανεῖον οἷον δήποτε, ὅτι συγκεχώρημαι τέως τῇ κλίνῃ προσηλῶσθαι. Ἐνῆν καὶ πλείονα τούτων εἰπεῖν, ἀλλ' ἵνα μὴ συγχέω σου τὴν μάθησιν, μέχρι τούτου ἵστημι τὸν λόγον, ἐκεῖνο προστιθεὶς, ὅτι μὴ παύσῃ ὀνειδίζουσα τοῖς ἀγαπῶσιν ἡμᾶς, ὅτι τοσούτους ἔχοντες ἐραστὰς, καὶ τοσαύτην δύναμιν περιβεβλημένους, οὐκ ἐτύχομεν οὗ τυγχάνουσιν οἱ κατάδικοι, ὥστε εἰς ἡμερώτερον καὶ ἐγγύτερόν που κατοικισθῆναι τόπον· ἀλλὰ καὶ τοῦ σώματος ἡμῖν ἀπαγορεύσαντος, καὶ τοῦ φόβου τῶν Ἰσαύρων πάντα πολιορκοῦντος, τῆς μικρᾶς ταύτης καὶ εὐτελοῦς οὐκ ἐπετύχομεν χάριτος. ∆όξα τῷ Θεῷ καὶ διὰ τοῦτο. Οὐ παυόμεθα γὰρ αὐτὸν ἐπὶ πᾶσι δοξάζοντες. Εἴη τὸ ὄνομα αὐτοῦ εὐλογημένον εἰς τοὺς αἰῶνας. Πολὺ δὲ ἐξεπλάγην καὶ τὸ σὸν, ὅτι τετάρτην ταύτην ἐπιστολὴν ἢ καὶ πέμπτην ἐπεσταλκὼς τῇ διαθέσει σου καὶ τῇ κοσμιότητι, μίαν ἐδεξάμην καὶ μόνην. Καίτοι τοῦτο δυσκολίας οὐκ ἦν, τὸ ἐπιστέλλειν συνεχέστερον. Καὶ ταῦτα οὐκ ἐγκαλῶν σοι λέγω· τὸ γὰρ τῆς ἀγάπης οὐκ ἔστιν ἀνάγκης, ἀλλὰ προαιρέσεως. Ἀλλὰ σφόδρα ἀλγῶ, ὅτι ἀθρόον ἐξέβαλες ἡμᾶς τῆς διανοίας τῆς σῆς, ἐν οὕτω χρόνῳ μακρῷ μίαν ἡμῖν πέμψασα ἐπιστολήν. Εἰ τοίνυν μηδὲν φορτικὸν μηδὲ ἐπαχθὲς αἰτοῦμεν, τοῦτο ἡμῖν πάρεχε, οὗ σὺ κυρία εἶ, καὶ ἐπὶ σοὶ κεῖται. Τῶν γὰρ ἄλλων ἕνεκεν οὐκ ἐνοχλοῦμεν, ἵνα μὴ πρὸς τῷ μηδὲν ἀνύειν καὶ φορτικοί τινες δόξωμεν καὶ ἐπαχθεῖς εἶναί σοι.